Gil: Oh no! Not today, not to Gil! I could feel that sale. I was in the zone!

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Skinner: His brand of gum- Doublemint. Trying to double your fun, eh, Bart? Well, I’ll double your detention. I wish someone was around to hear that.

Nelson: Society Blows.

Homer: Aww there’s only one beer left and it’s Bart’s!

Barney: Your infatuation is based on a physical attraction. Talk to the womanand you’ll realize you have nothing in common.
Homer: Barney, that’s so insightful — how did you come up with it?
Barney: It was printed on this bar napkin.

Lisa: I think it’s ironic that it was dad’s weight that allowed him to plug the hole, while a slimmer man would have fallen to his death.
Bart: And I think it’s ironic that for once dad’s butt prevented the escape of toxic ga-
Marge: BART!