Homer: Maybe for once, someone will call me ‘sir’ without adding ‘You’re making a scene’.

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Moe: If I ever get ahold of you I’m gonna rip your eyes out of their sockets and shove ’em down your pants so that you can watch me kick the crap outta you!

Mr. Burns: Homer, I want you to show this woman the time of her life.
Homer: Gotcha. Marge, we’re getting some drive-thru, then we’re doing it twice.

Homer: I love you, honey.
Marge: Are you talking to me or the beer?
Homer: To you my bubbly, longnecked, beechwood aged lover.

Groundskeeper Willie: Lunchlady Doris, have ye got any grease?
Lunchlady Doris: Yes, Yes we do.
Willie: Then grease me up woman.
Doris: Okey-Dokey.

The Stonecutter’s Song
Who controls the British Crown?
Who keeps the metric system down?
We do. We do.
Who keeps Atlantis off the maps?
Who keeps martians under wraps?
We do. We do.
Who holds back the electric car?
Who made Steve Guttenberg a STAR?
We do. We do.
Who robs cavefish of their sight?
Who riggs every Oscar night?
We do.
WE DO!