Burns: I don’t like being outdoors, Smithers. For one thing there are too many fat children.

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Homer: Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals… except the weasel.

Kent Brockman: Could this record-breaking heat wave be the result of the dreaded “Greenhouse Effect”? Well, if 70-degree days in the middle of winter are the “price” of car pollution, you’ll forgive me if I keep my old Pontiac.

Bart: I’m looking for a Mr. Jass. First name Hugh.
Mo: Hang on, lemmie check. Is there a Hugh Jass here? I’m looking for a Hugh Jass!
Hugh: I’m Hugh Jass.
Mo: Phone for ya.
Hugh: Hello? I’m Hugh Jass.
Bart: Um…I’m gonna’ be straight with you Mister, this is just a prank call that went horribly wrong.
Hugh: Oh, ok then. Have a nice night. (hangs up) What a nice young man.

Lawyer 1: Ladies and gentleman of the jury, who do you find more attractive, Mel Gibson or Tom Cruise?
Judge: What is the point of all this?
Lawyer 1: Your Honor, I am so confident in Marge Simpson’s guilt that I am willing to waste the jury’s time with ratings of the superhunks!
Hutz: Oooh, he’s gonna win!
Marge: Mr. Hutz!

Bart: What the hell is this?
Lisa: It’s one of those campy ’70s throwbacks that appeals to Generation Xers.
Bart: We need another Vietnam to thin out their ranks a little.