Lisa: I’m impressed you were able to write so legibly on your own butt.

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Skinner: His brand of gum- Doublemint. Trying to double your fun, eh, Bart? Well, I’ll double your detention. I wish someone was around to hear that.

Homer: Oh Lisa! You and your stories! Bart’s a vampire! Beer kills brain cells! Now let’s go back to that…building…thingie…where our beds and TV…is.

Comic Book Guy: Oh loneliness and cheeseburgers are a deadly combination.

Mindy: Homer, What’s wrong?
Homer: Like you don’t know! We’re going to have sex!
Mindy: Oh … We don’t have to.
Homer: Yes we do! The cookie told me so.
Mindy: Well, desserts aren’t always right.
Homer: But they’re so sweet and tasty.

Marge: Grandpa, are you sitting in the apple pie?
Grandpa: I sure hope so.