Flanders: I’ve done everything the bible says. Even the stuff that contradicts the other stuff.

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Burns: Well, what do you want then?
Larry: Um…uh….
Burns: What? Selling lightbulbs? Collecting for charity? Keen on Jesus? Out with it!

Homer: How ’bout it, Bart? Would you like a backyard BBQ pit?
Bart: Can I burn evidence in it?
Homer: We can all burn evidence in it.

Marge: What exactly is it your company does again?
Homer: Come on. This industry is moving so fast, it’s really hard to tell. That’s why I need a name that’s cutting edge, like Cutco, Edgecom… Interslice.

Rev. Lovejoy: This so-called new religion is nothing but a pack of weird rituals and chants designed to take away the money of fools. Now, let’s say the Lord’s Prayer forty times, but first let’s pass the collection plate.

Homer: Let the bears pay the bear tax! I pay the Homer tax!
Lisa: That’s the home-owner’s tax.
Homer: Well anyway I’m still outraged.