Flanders: I’ve done everything the bible says. Even the stuff that contradicts the other stuff.

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Mr. Burns: Who is this Homer Simpson?
Smithers: Actually, he thwarted your campaign for governor, you ran over his son, he saved the plant from meltdown, and his wife painted you in the nude.
Mr. Burns: Doesn’t ring a bell.

Homer: Apu, if it’ll make you feel any better, I’ve learned that life is one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead!

Kent Brockman: Senator Dole, why should people vote for you instead of President Clinton?
Kodos (as Bob Dole): It makes no difference which one of us you vote for. Either way your planet is doomed….DOOMED!
Kent: Well, a refreshingly frank response there from Senator Bob Dole!

A dog like that you have to feed EVERY DAY.

Burns: Honestly, Smithers, I don’t even know why Harvard continues to show up. Why, they barely even won.