Lisa: They call it physical education, but it feels like gym to me.

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Billy Corgan: Billy Corgan, Smashing Pumpkins.
Homer Simpson: Homer Simpson, smiling politely.

Skinner: Oh, you think this stolen ‘H’ is a laugh riot, don’t you? Well, I’ll tell you something that’s not so funny: right now Superintendent Chalmers is at home crying like a little girl! Well, I guess that is a little funny.

Neil Armstong: This is one small step to firing your ass!

Mr. Burns: Who is this Homer Simpson?
Smithers: Actually, he thwarted your campaign for governor, you ran over his son, he saved the plant from meltdown, and his wife painted you in the nude.
Mr. Burns: Doesn’t ring a bell.

Homer: Apu, if it’ll make you feel any better, I’ve learned that life is one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead!