Homer: Apu, if it’ll make you feel any better, I’ve learned that life is one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead!

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Marge: You aren’t even listening to me. You’re only hearing what you want to hear.
Homer: Thanks honey! I’d love a pork chop right about now!

Marge: Now you’re overstimulated. Let’s get some beer in you and then straight into bed!
Homer: WOO HOO! Beer beer beer! Bed bed bed!!!

Bart: I’m looking for a Mr. Jass. First name Hugh.
Mo: Hang on, lemmie check. Is there a Hugh Jass here? I’m looking for a Hugh Jass!
Hugh: I’m Hugh Jass.
Mo: Phone for ya.
Hugh: Hello? I’m Hugh Jass.
Bart: Um…I’m gonna’ be straight with you Mister, this is just a prank call that went horribly wrong.
Hugh: Oh, ok then. Have a nice night. (hangs up) What a nice young man.

Lawyer 1: Ladies and gentleman of the jury, who do you find more attractive, Mel Gibson or Tom Cruise?
Judge: What is the point of all this?
Lawyer 1: Your Honor, I am so confident in Marge Simpson’s guilt that I am willing to waste the jury’s time with ratings of the superhunks!
Hutz: Oooh, he’s gonna win!
Marge: Mr. Hutz!

Marge: How were you a political prisoner?
Homer: I kicked a giant mouse in the butt! Do I have to draw you a diagram?