Homer: Now I’ve had my head in an elephant, a hippo, and a giant sloth.

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Comic Book Guy: No banging your head against the display case, please. It contains a rare copy of Mary Worth in which she has advised a friend to commit suicide.

Shelbyville man: Bust in here and take it? You must be stupider than you look.
Homer: Stupider like a fox!

Rex Banner: Are you the “Beer Baron”?
Ned Flanders: If you’re talking about root beer, I plead guil-diddly-ilty as char-diddly arged.
Rex Banner: He’s not the “Beer Baron” but he sounds drunk. Book ’em boys!

Bart: Well, I believe you dad.
Homer: You do? Why?
Bart: Well, it’s just that you seem so damned sure.
Homer: Thanks, boy. And do you think you could cut out the casual swearing?
Bart: Hell yes.
Homer: That’s my boy!

Mr. Burns: Ketchup. Catsup. Ketchup. Catsup. I’m in over my head.