Small open wooden door and shallow threshold, no signage or person, inside original centered crop envelope — Original artwork

Mr. Simpson, get the hell outta my store. Please come again.

Apu

A wooden gavel lies on a hand mirror surrounded by grey paper shapes. — Original artwork

Do you promise to tell the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you God?

Bailiff

Two mismatched floral porcelain cups sharing a shallow saucer — Original artwork

Your infatuation is based on a physical attraction. Talk to the woman and you'll realize you have nothing in common.

Barney

Two porcelain figurines, one polished and one chipped, facing each other on a small silver tray against a plum background. — Original artwork

Ah, man! I’m only ten and I already have two mortal enemies!

Bart

Painterly black and white cow beside muddy boots on a small grassy patch against yellow-green. — Original artwork

Don't have a cow, man.

Bart

A blank ivory name badge in a brass holder hangs from a short burgundy ribbon against dark teal. — Original artwork

I'm looking for a Mr. Jass. First name Hugh.

Bart

A tilted glass jar containing a golden question mark, resting on plum velvet. — Original artwork

Leonard Nimoy? What are you doing here?

Bart

Small porcelain hand reaching toward a tiny red balloon on a coiled red string — Original artwork

Please dad?

Bart

Three carved theatrical masks in black, charcoal and pale grey show different degrees of frowning against slate. — Original artwork

The Flanders' are a bunch of geeks, man.

Bart

Two paper cups connected by a straight string rest on separate small wooden stools. — Original artwork

Well, I believe you dad.

Bart

A small metal pail wearing a gold crown rests on a teal cushion beside a loose gold ribbon. — Original artwork

What's everyone's problem? I'm glad we're stranded. It'll be just like the Swiss Family Robinson, only with more cursing. We're gonna live like kings. Damn hell ass kings!

Bart

What the hell is this?

Bart

A miniature stage with plum curtains and a silver ribbon in a spotlight. — Original artwork

Billy Corgan, Smashing Pumpkins.

Billy Corgan

A small brown dog sits beside a bowl of spaghetti on a red and cream checked cloth. — Original artwork

Dogs are idiots. Think about it, Smithers. If I came into your house and started sniffing at your crotch and slobbering all over your face, what would you say?

Burns

A black rotary telephone with a stretched coiled cord and a small brass megaphone beside it on yellow cloth. — Original artwork

He's a madman! I must reach Smithers! Now, how does this telephone machine work? I've seen others use it, let's see S-M-I-T-H-E-R-S. By jove it worked! It's ringing!

Burns

A small crimson flag on a pole beside a gold medal and ribbon against a charcoal background. — Original artwork

Honestly, Smithers, I don't even know why Harvard continues to show up. Why, they barely even won.

Burns

I don't like being outdoors, Smithers. For one thing there are too many fat children.

Burns

An anonymous jointed wooden dancer extends its arms and lifts one knee, balanced on a brass central pivot above a shallow circular wooden stage inset with a brass ring on pale grey and lilac ground. — Original artwork

I know I should be resisting but I'm paralized with rage...and island rythms.

Burns

A yellow toy car is tethered to a short metal post by red string on dark grey felt. — Original artwork

"You have 30 minutes to move your car", "You have 10 minutes","Your car has been impounded", "Your car has been crushed into a cube", "You have 30 minutes to move your cube".

Homer

Well, what do you want then?

Burns

Who was that young hellcat, Smithers?

Burns

Magnifying glass on a low brass stand above a long white feather — Original artwork

You're not as stupid as you look, or sound, or our best testing indicates.

Burns

A mint tissue box with a raised tissue, a crumpled tissue and a brass ring beside it. — Original artwork

Good luck, Ralphie. If your nose starts bleeding, it means you're picking it too much. Or not enough.

Chief Wiggum

Sideshow Bob has no decency. He called me Chief Piggum!

Chief Wiggum

Two small retro televisions with blank pale screens stand side by side against dusty pink. — Original artwork

Last night's 'Itchy and Scratchy Show' was, without a doubt, the worst episode ever. Rest assured, I was on the internet within minutes, registering my disgust throughout the world.

Comic Book Guy

A brown glove with one raised finger casts an exclamation-mark-shaped shadow on pale ground. — Original artwork

No banging your head against the display case, please. It contains a rare copy of Mary Worth in which she has advised a friend to commit suicide.

Comic Book Guy

A miniature dining table crowded with dishes at one end and a single place setting at the other on a dark green background. — Original artwork

Oh loneliness and cheeseburgers are a deadly combination.

Comic Book Guy

Brass balance scale tipped toward a cluster of purple grapes, opposite one grape, with green leaves — Original artwork

Now there are many options available for dangerously underweight individuals like yourself. I recommend a slow steady gorging process combined with assal horizontology.

Dr. Nick

Painterly damaged orange and grey control panel with loose wires and sparks against pale grey. — Original artwork

Calm down, Neddilly-diddily-diddily-diddily.... They did their best.... Shoddilly-iddily-iddily-diddly... Gotta be nice.... hostility-ility-bility-dility- Aw, hell, diddly-ding-dong-crap! Can't you morons do anything right?

Flanders

Painterly torn pages swirling above a small stack of worn books against a dark background. — Original artwork

I've done everything the bible says. Even the stuff that contradicts the other stuff.

Flanders

Two copper coins on a small brass scale pan beside a tipped paper cup of loose change. — Original artwork

Oh no! Not today, not to Gil! I could feel that sale. I was in the zone!

Gil

A navy blue ballot box with a single paper slip drifting away from it on a thread. — Original artwork

Dear Mr. President, There are too many states nowadays. Please eliminate three.

Grandpa

Dear Mr. President, There are too many states nowadays. Please eliminate three. P.S. I am not a crackpot.

Grandpa

Two empty wooden chairs overlooking the sea at sunset. — Original artwork

I haven't felt this relaxed and carefree since I was watch commander at Pearl Harbor.

Grandpa

Pink fibre insulation and candy, two blue suction cups, a shaving pouch with brown flask and brush, and a silver zipper on navy cloth form a low row. — Original artwork

I'm filled with piss n' vinegar! ... at first I was just filled with vinegar.

Grandpa

A miniature outhouse with toilet stands beside a folded paper ghost, empty clawfoot bath and empty blue-covered bed. — Original artwork

I'm going to the outhouse.

Grandpa

A small wooden figure casts two shadows in opposite directions across cracked orange ground. — Original artwork

I used to be with 'it', but then they changed what 'it' was. Now what I'm with isn't 'it' anymore and what's 'it' seems weird and scary.

Grandpa

Painterly tall green grass blade holding dew drops against a lavender and gold dawn. — Original artwork

Ow! Today's grass is much sharper than the grass in my day.

Grandpa

Two small wooden chairs side by side and one separate empty chair on a gray-blue floor against a mustard wall. — Original artwork

Pull your chair closer, my son.

Grandpa

Painterly bee resting on a broken golden honeycomb with drops of honey in warm amber light. — Original artwork

Aah! Hey, get off my sugar. Bad bees! Bad! Ow. Oww! Oh, they're defending themselves somehow!

Homer

(after shooting zombie Flanders in the head)Flanders was a zombie?!

Homer

Painterly illustrated pages beside a paint palette, brushes and gold coins on an orange surface. — Original artwork

A hundred bucks? For a comic book? Who drew it, Micha-ma-langelo?

Homer

A single amber bottle stands on a glass shelf inside an otherwise empty refrigerator lit in cool blue. — Original artwork

Aww there's only one beer left and it's Bart's!

Homer

A cream coffee pot and an orange cup on a wooden tray in warm light filtered through blinds. — Original artwork

Can I at least make you coffee Mr. Burns?

Homer

A small wooden window frame with a yellow curtain, flowers on the sill and blue sky beyond. — Original artwork

Could you open the window? The cops have daddy's prints on file.

Homer

An open book has aged, crumbling pages on the left and clean blank pages on the right against a cream background. — Original artwork

Every time I learn something new, a little of the old gets pushed outta my brain, remember that time I took that wine making course and forgot how to drive?

Homer

Flanders was a zombie?

Homer

A golden flame rises from cupped stone hands against an orange sunset and dark clouds. — Original artwork

God bless those Pagans.

Homer

An upright articulated wooden hand with an open palm against a softly textured teal background. — Original artwork

Hello. My name is Mr. Burns.

Homer

A red felt boxing glove stands beneath a blank speech-bubble-shaped paper flag. — Original artwork

Hmm. I guess Bart's not to blame. He's lucky, too, because it's spanking season, and I got a hankerin' for some spankerin'.

Homer

Painterly bundle of golden grain beside a foaming wooden beer mug on amber. — Original artwork

Homer no function beer well without.

Homer

Painterly glazed ribs arranged on a red checked cloth beside barbecue sauce and utensils. — Original artwork

How 'bout it, Bart? Would you like a backyard BBQ pit?

Homer

A half-full glass of beer is surrounded by small pale paper flowers. — Original artwork

I like my beers cold and my homosexuals flaming.

Homer

Two differently patterned floral paper halves form a heart joined by a thin golden thread on cream ground. — Original artwork

I love you, honey.

Homer

Painterly red phone booth with pale wings floating against a starry blue sky. — Original artwork

I'm not normally a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me, Superman.

Homer

A woolly brown mitten wedged into a small round opening in a metal plate. — Original artwork

I'm pretty sure I can struggle my way out. First I'll just reach in and pull my legs out ... now I'll pull my arms out with my face.

Homer

A round diner tray holds a mustard-topped hot dog, a battered corn dog on a stick, stacked orange cheese slices, a chocolate-chip cookie and chili-cheese fries against coral. — Original artwork

I sure could go for a hot dog right about now.

Homer

A wooden bear, blue vintage car and guitar sit beside a black felt poodle leaping above felt snow and three wooden goslings on cupped wooden hands. — Original artwork

It's like a friggin country bear jambaroo around here.

Homer

A worn cushion rests on a brown plaid armchair in warm window light. — Original artwork

Listen to 'em. Watchin' my television. Sittin' on my couch. You better not be in my ass groove!

Homer

Marge, can we trade? I don't trust these guys.

Homer

An oval mirror leans against a pink cushion beside a lipstick tube on softly folded cream fabric. — Original artwork

Marge, we had a deal. Your sisters don't come here after six and I stop eating your lipstick.

Homer

A dark bowler hat rests on a wooden stool beside a tiny brass bell and trailing red ribbon. — Original artwork

Maybe for once, someone will call me 'sir' without adding 'You're making a scene'.

Homer

Mel Brooks is Jewish?

Homer

Mmmm...64 slices of American Cheese. 63. 62....

Homer

A beer glass and orange pom-pom sit on a table beside an armchair facing a glowing blue television. — Original artwork

No beer and T.V. make Homer something something...

Homer

Homer:No beer and T.V. make Homer something something... Marge:Go crazy? Homer:Don't mind if I do!

Our reading May contain spoilers.

An editorial interpretation.

Homer cannot finish his complaint about losing beer and television, so Marge supplies go crazy. His reply turns that suggestion into an invitation, giving the three-voice-line exchange its comic reversal.

QuoteGeek: related retained versionRelated retained version; literal interpretation with existing source qualifications.Reference checked 30 September 2026

Context reviewed 30 September 2026

A small carved wooden elephant stands beside folded blue-and-ivory striped cloth on warm grey ground. — Original artwork

Now I've had my head in an elephant, a hippo, and a giant sloth.

Homer

Oh Lisa! You and your stories! Bart's a vampire! Beer kills brain cells! Now let's go back to that...building...thingie...where our beds and TV...is.

Homer

A small green toy alien in a cowboy hat stands beside a cactus on a piece of tan fabric. — Original artwork

Oh no! Aliens! Bio-duplication! Nude consperesicies! Oh my God! Linden Lerouche was right!!

Homer

An orange and pink ribbon of static flows from an old computer screen across a small desk beside a wooden chair. — Original artwork

Oh, they have the internet on computers now!

Homer

A small round yellow door set into a grassy, flower-covered mound in a sunlit meadow. — Original artwork

Okay it's the standard Grandpa Drill, everyone into the cellar!

Homer

Painterly smiling white mask beside a pointing yellow glove on orange. — Original artwork

OOoooo! Look at me Marge! I'm making people happy! I'm the magical man from happy land! In case you couldn't tell, I was being sarcastic!

Homer

Small blue and brass dice rest on a dark reflective surface beneath a pale moon. — Original artwork

People die all the time, just like that. Why you could wake up dead tomorrow.....Well, goodnight!

Homer

Three miniature televisions in a row, each displaying a yellow star against a dark blue background. — Original artwork

Please, Marge. How often can I see a movie of this caliber on late night tv?

Homer

A wooden ruler balanced on a tin can, with a gold trophy at the raised end and a purple sock at the lower end. — Original artwork

Sometimes the only way you can feel good about yourself is by making someone else look bad. And I'm tired of making other people feel good about themselves.

Homer

A red paper heart under a glass paperweight beside a loose red thread and small scissors on white marble. — Original artwork

Homer streaks through the kitchen Patty: There goes the last lingering thread of my heterosexuality.

Patty

A grey cat-shaped pincushion sits before an open fan decorated with peacock feathers. — Original artwork

Stupid cats. With their fancy footwork and their crafty schemes to steal all my smelts!

Homer

A smiling yellow paper mask on a stick leans beside a white flower in a glass of water. — Original artwork

The human wang is a beautiful thing.

Homer

Painterly tipped wine glass spilling red wine beside a paper cone of golden fries. — Original artwork

To alcohol - the cause of, and solution to all of life's problems.

Homer

A small paper kite caught on a twig with a spool of thread on the ground. — Original artwork

Trying is the first step towards failure.

Homer

Painterly small raised hand figure beside a vintage intercom under a spotlight. — Original artwork

Volunteering is for suckers. Did you know that so called 'Volunteers' don't even get paid?

Homer

A brass trumpet with a limp green balloon hanging from its mouthpiece. — Original artwork

Well, honey, what do you like? Tuba-ma-ba? Oba-ma-bo? That one? Saxa-ma-phone?

Homer

A brass compass rests in moss beside a drifting copper-brown leaf against olive green. — Original artwork

When you’re an experienced woodsman, you get a feel for these things. It’s like a third sense.

Homer

A tiny bath beneath a duck-patterned shower curtain, with a yellow rubber duck peeking out beside aqua tiles. — Original artwork

Whoops. Sorry, son. I didn't know you, Jay Leno, and a monkey were bathing a clown.

Homer

A blank framed canvas leans against a teal-and-coral striped wall beside small decorative objects. — Original artwork

Why won't you be art?!

Homer

Five pink foam fingers in a sagging stack next to a folded pennant on a navy background. — Original artwork

Yeah, Moe, that team sure did suck last night. They just plain sucked! I've seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked!

Homer

A small tan suitcase stands on a patch of grass beside a puddle that reflects it under a pale sky. — Original artwork

Your suitcase is light.

Homer

A miniature charcoal suit jacket hangs from a wooden hanger with a loose thread and a small gavel nearby. — Original artwork

What? AHH!!..... I call for one of those bad court thingies!

Hutz

It Was a Very Good Beer When I was 17, I drank some very good beer. I drank some very good beer, I purchased with a fake I.D. My name was Brian McGee. I stayed up listening to Queen. When I was 17.

Homer Simpson

A teal toy water pistol wearing a small party hat rests on a crumpled red napkin. — Original artwork

Uh, who shot who in the what now?

Jasper

A tiny dark figure reaches toward a bright rectangle on a dark floor, casting a long shadow. — Original artwork

A Noble Spirit Embiggens the Smallest Man.

Jebadiah Springfield

A small green Statue of Liberty figurine holds a torch and a wooden baseball bat while standing on blue cloth. — Original artwork

My fellow Americans, as a young boy I dreamed of being a baseball. But tonight I say we must move forward, not backward! Upward, not forward! And always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom!!!

Kang

Unmarked wooden ballot box with visible slot — Original artwork

It's true! We are aliens! But what are you going to do about it? It's a two party system! You have to vote for one of us!

Kang

A blue toy sports car rests on a windowsill beside a drooping potted plant in evening light. — Original artwork

Could this record-breaking heat wave be the result of the dreaded 'Greenhouse Effect'? Well, if 70-degree days in the middle of winter are the `price' of car pollution, you'll forgive me if I keep my old Pontiac.

Kent Brockman

A black clerical collar with a white tab rests on a red velvet cushion beside a pink carnation. — Original artwork

Police say the fake Pope can be easily recognized by his high-top sneakers and incredibly foul mouth.

Kent Brockman

Senator Dole, why should people vote for you instead of President Clinton?

Kent Brockman

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: democracy simply-doesn’t-work.

Kent

Painterly brick wall dissolving into small squares beside an old television against deep blue. — Original artwork

Lock your doors and bar your windows, because the next advertisement you see could destroy your house and eat your family.

Kent

Plum fountain pen across blank cream paper hearts with a small ink stain, plus small plum flowers — Original artwork

Would you like to hear my award-winning secrect? Try public interest stories, they target the heart and fog the mind.

Kent

Would you like to hear my award-winning secret? Try public interest stories, they target the heart and fog the mind.

Kent

Painterly teal and ochre car seats with a steering wheel on a muted teal surface. — Original artwork

I sleep in a racecar. Do you sleep in a racecar?

Kirk VanHouten

Abortions for all!

Kodos

Ladies and gentleman of the jury! Who do you find more attractive, Mel Gibson or Tom Cruise?

Lawyer 1

An open mustard-yellow box with a paper strip trailing from it beside a small brass gavel on a plum background. — Original artwork

Mr. Simpson, this is the most blatant case of fraudulent advertising since my suit against the film 'The Neverending Story'

Lionel Hutz

An old telephone receiver hovers over a brass base as pieces of a red wax seal fall between them. — Original artwork

Can't talk ... coming down.

Lisa

Dad, what's a Muppet?

Lisa

A small mask with one rough black half and one smooth pink half. — Original artwork

I'm an ugmo.

Lisa

I'm impressed you were able to write so legibly on your own butt.

Lisa

A small overturned red grill spilling charcoal on green grass beside its detached round grate. — Original artwork

I still believe in protecting animal's rights, but that still doesn't excuse what I did. I'm sorry for wrecking your barbecue, dad.

Lisa

Two plums joined by a short wooden rod like a dumbbell, resting across a crack in a gray stone surface. — Original artwork

I think it's ironic that it was dad's weight that allowed him to plug the hole, while a slimmer man would have fallen to his death.

Lisa

It is better to remain silent and be thought the fool, then to open your mouth and remove all doubt.

Lisa

A golden pear resting on a small silver plate against deep green velvet. — Original artwork

No thanks. Do you have anything with fruit?

Lisa

An orange basketball rests beside a small burning brass torch against deep blue. — Original artwork

They call it physical education, but it feels like gym to me.

Lisa

A glossy red pomegranate-shaped vessel cut open to reveal a glowing amber lantern, against a navy background. — Original artwork

What's inside of you?

Lisa

Painterly folded plaid jacket and bow tie beside a paper shopping bag. — Original artwork

Are you wearing a grocery bag?

Madam

Painterly red curtain tassel entwined with a small three-pronged pitchfork against a red background. — Original artwork

Bart, stop pestering Satan!

Marge

A lattice-crust apple pie on a pedestal plate with tiny stars scattered on a dark blue tablecloth. — Original artwork

Grandpa, are you sitting in the apple pie?

Marge

Grandpa, why are there only 49 stars on that flag?

Marge

A slice of buttered toast on a plate sits beside an empty gravy boat on striped cloth. — Original artwork

Homer, is that my good butter?

Marge

A small glowing amber paper house sitting on a folded teal and mustard patchwork quilt. — Original artwork

Honey, I'm so glad you're home.

Marge

A blue metal padlock with red string tied around its shackle and a key lying beside it against a deep blue background. — Original artwork

How were you a political prisoner?

Marge

If you raise three children who can knock out and hog tie a perfect stranger, you must be doing something right.

Marge

I'll just have a coffee.

Marge

Painterly old revolver on a burgundy cushion beside a lit lantern. — Original artwork

Is everything okay? I got worried when I didn't hear any shots.

Marge

Worn maroon boxing glove draped over a small turquoise stool — Original artwork

It's time we opened up a can of whoop tooshie on this situation.

Marge

Now, how are we going to get my Homey back?

Marge

Now you're overstimulated. Let's get some beer in you and then straight into bed!

Marge

A small pink loveseat with coral and teal fabric squares on its cushions. — Original artwork

The monkey's on my part of the sofa.

Marge

A little white paper house on stilts above a group of magenta and gold lanterns on a green background. — Original artwork

There's going to be twice as much love in the house as there was before.

Marge

One fresh footprint in a small smooth patch of fine white sand, surrounded by pale blue. — Original artwork

There's no shame in being a pariah.

Marge

Painterly brush dripping rainbow paint beside a small jar and a winding colorful path on cream. — Original artwork

Well, Ralph, you sound like a very imaginative little boy.

Marge

Painterly open blank ledger beside a magnifying glass on a blue-grey surface. — Original artwork

What exactly is it your company does again?

Marge

Painterly small toy skeleton leaning against pastel building blocks on a pale surface. — Original artwork

Can't we have one meeting that doesn't end with us digging up a corpse?

Mayor Quimby

A walking cane leans against a mint-green toy car with a brown seat. — Original artwork

I can’t go on. You two go ahead. And carry me with you.

Milhouse

If you put dog doo on the suction cups, they'll stick better.

Milhouse

An orange goldfish leaping from a glass bowl beside a torn cream card against a deep teal background. — Original artwork

Remember when he ate my goldfish, then you said I never had a goldfish? Then why did I have the bowl Bart? WHY DID I HAVE THE BOWL?!

Milhouse

A white paper dove stands beside a cracked clay jar beneath a grey-blue sky with a narrow orange horizon. — Original artwork

So this is what it's like when doves cry....

Milhouse

Painterly open hand reaching toward a wilted flower and fallen petals on cracked pavement. — Original artwork

Homer, What's wrong?

Mindy

Two pink-frosted cupcakes sit on a small silver tray against pale pink. — Original artwork

Awww, ain't that cute? Makes Little Debbie look like a pile of puke!

Mo

A pair of worn boxing gloves hangs by the laces from a hook against dark maroon. — Original artwork

If I ever get ahold of you I’m gonna rip your eyes out of their sockets and shove ’em down your pants so that you can watch me kick the crap outta you!

Moe

A brass megaphone lies on its side with its wide opening sealed by red wax against a deep red background. — Original artwork

If this gets out, the next words you say will be muffled by your own butt.

Moe

A blueberry tart, miniature grill with steak, tin fryer and bowl of cereal on burgundy theatrical syrup form a small row. — Original artwork

The new fryer's here! I bought it used from the navy. You could flash-fry a buffallo in 40 seconds in that baby.

Moe

A pink piggy bank sits beside a silver fork standing upright in a patch of moss. — Original artwork

You're a pig. Barney's a pig. Larry's a pig. we're all pigs... once in a while, we can crawl out of the slop, hose ourselves off, and act like human beings.

Mo

Painterly tumbler and stemmed glass touching with a bright spark against deep blue. — Original artwork

Homer, I want you to show this woman the time of her life.

Mr. Burns

Ketchup. Catsup. Ketchup. Catsup. I'm in over my head.

Mr. Burns

Smithers, I want you to arrange a party for two at my estate. Marge, me, and do you think you could dig up Al Jolston?

Mr. Burns

A gold-rimmed monocle with a fine chain rests on folded plum-colored fabric with a gold edge. — Original artwork

Well Smithers, another Friday night is upon us, What will you be doing? Something gay no doubt?

Mr. Burns

Who is this Homer Simpson?

Mr. Burns

All right, Homer. We want you to re-create your every move the night you saw this alien.

Mulder

What's the point of this test, Scully?

Mulder

A small orange block staircase with a tiny gold trophy on the top step against a teal background. — Original artwork

This is one small step to firing your ass!

Neil Armstong

Ha ha!

Nelson

Two torn pale fabric pieces are pinned apart beside a reel of red thread. — Original artwork

Hey, Millhouse, I heard your parents are getting divorced.

Nelson

A tiny pale city of towers dissolves into white foam around a drain grate on a dark grey surface. — Original artwork

Society Blows.

Nelson

A translucent coral-pink jelly cube rests on a silver spoon against a pale textured background. — Original artwork

Come on, Bart. We don't want to over stimulate these people. They just had pudding.

Nursing home nurse

A silver microphone stands in amber light against dark red curtains. — Original artwork

Oh Mindy Oh Mindy, You came and you gave without flaking, But I sent you Ben-gay, Oh Andy, You kissed me and stopped me from something…

Homer Simpson

Painterly vintage tabletop radio beside a pink silk scarf and tiny flowers against blush pink. — Original artwork

Oh Mindy, You came and you gave without flaking, But I sent you Ben-gay, Oh Andy, You kissed me and stopped me from something...

Homer Simpson

A clear light bulb wears blue polka-dot shorts clipped to a clothesline against yellow. — Original artwork

Well do us all a favour and invent yourself some underpants!

Passerby

Alright, Martin. For your community service, you'll be setting up a midnight basketball program for inner city street gangs.

Principal Skinner

Orange and blue paper speech bubbles hang together by strings from a small hook against a cream background. — Original artwork

Do you kids wanna be like the real U.N., or do you just wanna squabble and waste time?

Principal Skinner

A small sandcastle is washed by a shallow wave beside a toy antenna under a cloudy sky. — Original artwork

Milhouse? Do you like the beach?

Principal Skinner

A brass dish full of gold coins with a red ribbon curling out of it on a purple background. — Original artwork

This so-called new religion is nothing but a pack of weird rituals and chants designed to take away the money of fools. Now, let's say the Lord's Prayer forty times, but first let's pass the collection plate.

Rev. Lovejoy

Are you the "Beer Baron"?

Rex Banner

Bust in here and take it? You must be stupider than you look.

Shelbyville man

Yes, I'm aware of the hypocrisy of appearing on television in order to decry it, so don't bother pointing that out.

Sideshow Bob

Original artwork

His brand of gum- Doublemint. Trying to double your fun, eh, Bart? Well, I’ll double your detention. I wish someone was around to hear that.

Skinner

Small glass teardrop vial lying beside a shallow silver water dish, stopper and few water droplets on slate — Original artwork

Oh, you think this stolen 'H' is a laugh riot, don't you? Well, I'll tell you something that's not so funny: right now Superintendent Chalmers is at home crying like a little girl! Well, I guess that is a little funny.

Skinner

A wooden chalkboard eraser rests beside three plain wooden blocks and white chalk dust on blue ground. — Original artwork

Uh oh, two independent thought alarms in one day. The children are overstimulated. Willie remove all the colored chalk from the classrooms.

Skinner

A brass telescope rests on a weathered wooden post beneath a small glowing moon against a deep-blue background. — Original artwork

If Mr. Burns wants to see a stranger he will look at him through a high-powered telescope.

Smithers

Two paper hearts, one blush pink and one cream, interlock on an ivory linen surface. — Original artwork

Sir, there may never be another time to say... I love you, sir.

Smithers

A small schoolhouse built from a hand mirror and colored pencils on a teal surface, topped with a crooked paper flag. — Original artwork

How come when I heard the word ‘school’ followed by the word ‘exploded’ I immediately thought of the word SKINNER!?

Superintendant Chalmers

Painterly crumpled paper bag spilling green bottle caps beside a worn skateboard wheel. — Original artwork

When I was 17, I drank some very good beer. I drank some very good beer, I purchased with a fake I.D. My name was Brian McGee. I stayed up listening to Queen. When I was 17.

Homer Simpson

A folded metallic paper airplane trails orange smoke through a stormy blue sky. — Original artwork

Okay, folks, show's over. Nothing to see here, show's... Oh my God! A horrible plane crash! Hey, everybody, get a load of this flaming wreckage! Come on, crowd around, crowd around! Don't be shy, crowd around!

Wiggum