Kang (as Clinton): My fellow Americans, as a young boy I dreamed of being a baseball. But tonight I say we must move forward, not backward! Upward, not forward! And always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom!!!

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Comic Book Guy: No banging your head against the display case, please. It contains a rare copy of Mary Worth in which she has advised a friend to commit suicide.

Burn’s Messages read by Homer: “You have 30 minutes to move your car”, “You have 10 minutes”,”Your car has been impounded”, “Your car has been crushed into a cube”, “You have 30 minutes to move your cube”.

Rex Banner: Are you the “Beer Baron”?
Ned Flanders: If you’re talking about root beer, I plead guil-diddly-ilty as char-diddly arged.
Rex Banner: He’s not the “Beer Baron” but he sounds drunk. Book ’em boys!

Bart: Well, I believe you dad.
Homer: You do? Why?
Bart: Well, it’s just that you seem so damned sure.
Homer: Thanks, boy. And do you think you could cut out the casual swearing?
Bart: Hell yes.
Homer: That’s my boy!

Mr. Burns: Ketchup. Catsup. Ketchup. Catsup. I’m in over my head.