The Simpsons

Quotations

Homer: Homer no function beer well without.

Homer: Oh Lisa! You and your stories! Bart’s a vampire! Beer kills brain cells! Now let’s go back to that…building…thingie…where our beds and TV…is.

Comic Book Guy: Oh loneliness and cheeseburgers are a deadly combination.

Mindy: Homer, What’s wrong?
Homer: Like you don’t know! We’re going to have sex!
Mindy: Oh … We don’t have to.
Homer: Yes we do! The cookie told me so.
Mindy: Well, desserts aren’t always right.
Homer: But they’re so sweet and tasty.

Marge: Grandpa, are you sitting in the apple pie?
Grandpa: I sure hope so.

Gil: Oh no! Not today, not to Gil! I could feel that sale. I was in the zone!

Principal Skinner: Oh children, I’m sure that Utur is around here somewhere. heh heh. In fact, isn’t there a little Utur in all of us?? HA HA! In fact, couldn’t you say that we just ATE Utur and he’s in our stomaches right now?!? HAHAHAHA! No…wait. Forget I said that last one.

Homer: Listen to ’em. Watchin’ my television. Sittin’ on my couch. You better not be in my ass groove!

Nursing home nurse: Come on, Bart. We don’t want to over stimulate these people. They just had pudding.

Homer: Hello. My name is Mr. Burns.
Ticket Master: First name?
Homer: I don’t know.

It Was a Very Good Beer
When I was 17,
I drank some very good beer.
I drank some very good beer,
I purchased with a fake I.D.
My name was Brian McGee.
I stayed up listening to Queen.
When I was 17.

Smithers: Sir, there may never be another time to say… I love you, sir.
Burns: Oh, hot dog. Thank you for making my last few moments on Earth socially awkward.

Homer: Okay it’s the standard Grandpa Drill, everyone into the cellar!

Homer: Aah! Hey, get off my sugar. Bad bees! Bad! Ow. Oww! Oh, they’re defending themselves somehow!

Comic Book Guy: No banging your head against the display case, please. It contains a rare copy of Mary Worth in which she has advised a friend to commit suicide.

Burn’s Messages read by Homer: “You have 30 minutes to move your car”, “You have 10 minutes”,”Your car has been impounded”, “Your car has been crushed into a cube”, “You have 30 minutes to move your cube”.

Lisa: What’s inside of you?
Nelson: I dunno. Guts…Black stuff… And about fifty Slim Jims.

Homer: OOoooo! Look at me Marge! I’m making people happy! I’m the magical man from happy land! In case you couldn’t tell, I was being sarcastic!
Marge: Well, duh.

Gil: Oh no! Not today, not to Gil! I could feel that sale. I was in the zone!

Homer: Trying is the first step towards failure.

Grandpa: Ow! Today’s grass is much sharper than the grass in my day.

Mr. Burns: I bring looove!
Crowd: Kill it!
Smithers: No, wait! It’s Mr. Burns!
Willie: Aww, it’s Mr. Burns…Kill it! Kill it!

Oh Mindy
Oh Mindy,
You came and you gave without flaking,
But I sent you Ben-gay,
Oh Andy,
You kissed me and stopped me from something…

Bart: Ah, man! I’m only ten and I already have two mortal enemies!

Lionel Hutz: Mr. Simpson, this is the most blatant case of fraudulent advertising since my suit against the film ‘The Neverending Story’