The Simpsons

Quotations

Homer: I’m not normally a praying man, but if you’re up there, please save me, Superman.

Chief Wiggum: Sideshow Bob has no decency. He called me Chief Piggum!

Homer: Oh, they have the internet on computers now!

Marge: I’ll just have a coffee.
Australian Bartender: Beer it is.
Marge: No, Cof-fee.
Bartender: Be-er?
Marge: Coffee. C-O-…
Bartender: B-E…

Dr. Nick: Oh no! You need booze!

Grandpa: I’m filled with piss n’ vinegar! … at first I was just filled with vinegar.

Homer: Your suitcase is light.
Lisa: Maybe you’re getting stronger.
Homer: Well, I have been eating more.

Marge: Homer, is that my good butter?
Homer: Quiet Marge! I’m trying to work. And now to write another delicious memo. Mmmmmmmmm…memo.

Mayor Quimby: Can’t we have one meeting that doesn’t end with us digging up a corpse?

Homer: Whoops. Sorry, son. I didn’t know you, Jay Leno, and a monkey were bathing a clown.

Marge: The monkey’s on my part of the sofa.
Homer: Honey, he’s clearly marked his territory.

Homer: Moe, I need your advice.
Moe: Yeah?
Homer: See, I got this friend named… Joey Jo Jo… Junior… Shabadoo.
Moe: That’s the worst name I ever heard.
(Joey runs out of the bar sobbing)
Barney: Hey! Joey Jo Jo!

Lisa: I still believe in protecting animal’s rights, but that still doesn’t excuse what I did. I’m sorry for wrecking your barbecue, dad.
Homer: That’s okay, honey. I used to believe in things too.

Homer: Marge, we had a deal. Your sisters don’t come here after six and I stop eating your lipstick.

Homer: People die all the time, just like that. Why you could wake up dead tomorrow…..Well, goodnight!

Lisa: They call it physical education, but it feels like gym to me.

Lisa: No thanks. Do you have anything with fruit?
Homer: This has got purple stuff in it. Purple’s a fruit.

Grandpa: Pull your chair closer, my son.
Homer: What is it, Dad?
Grandpa: Peeyoo! Not that close! Sheesh.

Grandpa: I’m going to the outhouse.
Lisa: We don’t have an outhouse.
Homer: My toolshed!!!

Nelson: Hey, Millhouse, I heard your parents are getting divorced.
Millhouse: Aren’t you going to point and me and say ‘ha ha’?
Nelson: Nah. My dad left my mom when she got hooked on breath mints. In the end, her breath was so fresh, she wasn’t really my mother anymore, you know?
Millhouse: So what you’re saying is that I’ll be ok?
Kierny: You’ll be fine. My divorce was tough but we got through it.
Kierny’s son: I sleep in a drawer.

Marge: There’s going to be twice as much love in the house as there was before.
Homer: We’re going to start doing it in the morning?

Homer: Hmm. I guess Bart’s not to blame. He’s lucky, too, because it’s spanking season, and I got a hankerin’ for some spankerin’.

Willy: I gotta finish him off while I’m still temporarily insane.

Milhouse: Remember when he ate my goldfish, then you said I never had a goldfish? Then why did I have the bowl Bart? WHY DID I HAVE THE BOWL?!

Marge: There’s no shame in being a pariah.