The Simpsons

Quotations

Kodos (as Bob Dole): Abortions for all!
Crowd: BOOO!!! BOOO!!
Dole: Very well, no abortions for anyone!
Crowd: BOOO!!! BOO!!!!
Dole: Hmmmmmm…..abortions for some….miniature American flags for others!
Crowd: YEAY!!!!

Passerby: Well do us all a favour and invent yourself some underpants!

Burns: I know I should be resisting but I’m paralized with rage…and island rhythms.

Homer: In high school I was voted most likely to be a mental patient, hillbilly, or chimpanzee.

Moe: If this gets out, the next words you say will be muffled by your own butt.

Mr. Burns: Smithers, use the amnesia ray on him.
Smithers: You mean the revolver, sir?
Mr. Burns: Yes. And wipe your own memory clean when you’re done.

Homer: If I could just say a few words, I would be a better public speaker.

Homer: God bless those Pagans.

Dr. Nick: Now there are many options available for dangerously underweight individuals like yourself. I recommend a slow steady gorging process combined with assal horizontology.

Lisa: I’m impressed you were able to write so legibly on your own butt.

Hutz: What? AHH!!….. I call for one of those bad court thingies!
Judge: You mean a mistrial?

Homer: Now I’ve had my head in an elephant, a hippo, and a giant sloth.

Kang (as Clinton): My fellow Americans, as a young boy I dreamed of being a baseball. But tonight I say we must move forward, not backward! Upward, not forward! And always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom!!!

Homer: Stupid cats. With their fancy footwork and their crafty schemes to steal all my smelts!

Homer: Can I at least make you coffee Mr. Burns?
Burns: No! No thank you! Coffee’s already made! I stomped the beans myself! Hear that? The percolations are imminent!

Homer: Mel Brooks is Jewish?

Marge: Honey, I’m so glad you’re home.
Homer: Can’t talk. See Flanders. Later sex.

Mulder: What’s the point of this test, Scully?
Scully: No point, I just think he could stand to lose a little weight.
Mulder: His jiggling…is…almost hypnotic.
Scully: Yes…it’s like a lava lamp.

Bart: Don’t have a cow, man.

Homer: Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals… except the weasel.

Kent Brockman: Could this record-breaking heat wave be the result of the dreaded “Greenhouse Effect”? Well, if 70-degree days in the middle of winter are the “price” of car pollution, you’ll forgive me if I keep my old Pontiac.

Flanders: I’ve done everything the bible says. Even the stuff that contradicts the other stuff.

Bailiff: Do you promise to tell the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you God?
Marge: Mmm… Yes, I do.
Hutz: She sounded like she was taking that awful seriously.

Homer: I’m pretty sure I can struggle my way out. First I’ll just reach in and pull my legs out … now I’ll pull my arms out with my face.

Kang: It’s true! We are aliens! But what are you going to do about it? It’s a two party system! You have to vote for one of us!
Man in Crowd: Well, I’m just going to vote for a third party!
Kang: Go ahead! Throw your vote away!! HA HA HA HA!!!