Nurse: Oh there you go again – mistaking me for someone who gives a damn! Who cares if you’re fat or thin…who cares if you live or die?!
Eddie: Sweetie, we dragged these people screaming into the 20th Century. We gave them all the mod-cons, darling. We gave them the non-squat toilet… toilet tissue, darling. I mean, how do you think they used to wipe their bottoms before we came along?
Patsy: Old bits of hoof.
Patsy: Ah, well. Let them write what they want. I shall just rise above it, I shan’t let this thing….affect me…(stares hard at newspaper) Bastard! No! No! No!
Edina: What, sweetie, what? (looking at paper) “Close sources say…”
Patsy: No, further down…
Edina (reading): …”that Patsy is (gasp)…Fourty-Seven?!?”
Patsy (wailing): Aaaaaggh!! I’ll SUE!
Saffie: Well, how old is she?
Patsy: I’m Thirty-Nine!
Saffie: And I’m an ovum.
Eddie: I mean I was just trying to live my bloody life… you know, get from A to B and do a little shopping!….only to find, that in fact, life is controlled for me, by bits of bloody bloody buggery bits of paper! I mean, why can’t life just be a little bit easier for everybody, you know?
Edina: You only work in a shop, you know. You can drop the attitude.
Edina: When we first came here, it was so beautiful. It was just like a little…a little tiny little oasis, darling, here.
Patsy: Yeah…with like a town.
Humphrey: And with quite a number of quite decent five-star international hotels…and a jaccuzi.
Patsy: Yeah…and an airport.
Edina: Yeah alright, alright, alright. I was just trying to be poetic.
Eddie: The 70′s are back!
Grans: Oh, does that mean you’ll be voting into labour again?
Eddie: The more I love myself, the more I will be loved.
Edina: Hold your nose, darling. Meat.
Saffie: I’m studying the indigenous people of that particular region of North Africa for my Anthroplology module in college this term… it would be really great to be able to go there and study.
Edina: Study?!? You don’t go to Marrakech to study, darling.
Patsy: No you don’t!
Edina: There are a lot of reasons to go to Marrakech, and studying is NOT one of them, sweetie. I mean you go to Marrakech…you go for, I don’t know… drugs, dirt cheap bits and rugs…
Patsy: Yeah…easy-going sex with gorgeous under-age youths…
Edina: Yeah! Sex changes, wasn’t it…Pats? …Well, not now, anyway. Not now. Still, darling, you don’t go there to study some ingenuous peasants for an anthology molecule.
Patsy: Eddie…what are you wearing?
Eddie: It’s a La Croix Sweetie!
Patsy: It’s fabulous!
Eddie: Inside of me there is a thin person screaming to get out.
June: Just the one, dear?
Edina: Oooh, sweetie…darling…oh god, sweetie what a day, what a day I’ve had sweetie, darling. (throws herself down on kitchen table) I have been at work since I left here this morning!
Saffie: You want some lunch?
Saffie: Where’s Patsy?
Edina: She went into the shop with all the dried-up things.
Saffie: Well, she should feel at home, then.
Patsy: Oh, God. Thank bloody Christ for that!
Eddie: I suppose I could just go through the motions, wouldn’t you like that Justin? It would be-
Eddie and Justin (in chorus): ‘just like our marriage’.
Edina: Look at that…what do you think that is there?
Saffie: It’s a sticker with a green tree on it.
Saffie: What does that mean?
Edina: ‘Kind To Trees’, sweetie.
Saffie: How are they kind to trees?
Edina: Well they ain’t made of wood, how kind do you want?
Saffie (scream): Oooh! Mum, that man pinched me!!
Patsy: Darling, don’t worry. He was obviously very old and completely blind.
Patsy: Oh, hurrah, hurrah, bloody buggery hurray.
Saffie: A bit early for her, isn’t it?
Eddie: Well, darling, she’s been low recently.
Saffie: Low? She’d get vertigo in a sewer.
Edina: God, it’s a rather depressing thought, isn’t it, that you might live on after me. Hmmm…You? Is that how I’m going to be remembered, is it…what, through you?!
Saffie: Well, what do you want – a statue?
Saffie (Screaming): A great big, fat, ugly, armless statue??
Edina (agast): I’ve got arms. (flails arms around) I’ve got arms!!
Edina: Gin and tonic, sweetie?
Patsy: Ooh, gin and tonic!
Patsy: One snap of my fingers and I can raise hemlines so high the world’s your gynecologist.
Edina: Bubble, what do you do darling?
Bubble: I don’t know. Get Paid.
Edina: No, no..no grave for me, sweetie. I’m a Buddhist anyway. I want to be lain out on a rock in the middle of the Ganges, darling, and then just pecked by birds. I don’t want to end up as some drugged-up zombie in a hospital, alright?
Saffie: I thought that would appeal to you…