Lisa: If everyone thought you should jump off a bridge, would you?
Dave: If everyone around here thought I should jump off a bridge, they’d probably just get together and push me.

Share with your friends

More from NewsRadio

Dave Nelson: Look, it’s only a birthday present! It just means I’m glad you didn’t die partway through the year.

Bill: Dave, there comes a time in every friendship when you have to say, “I never liked you, get lost.”

Jimmy: You poor misguided Canadian bastard.

Lisa: He won’t even admit that he’s jealous. That is the thing that just drives me crazy.
Beth: You know, I do not blame you. If my boyfriend acted like that, I would go absolutely bitch-cakes.
Lisa: Bitch-cakes?
Beth: I just made that up. Think it’s gonna catch on?

Lisa: What about that sweet 18-year-old kid in accounting who had that crush on you?
Dave: Oh, that was completely different.
Lisa: Why?
Dave: Well, for one thing, he was a guy. And he thought I was gay. And he brought his mother to work and introduced me as his boss-slash-husband.
Lisa: Well, it was still flattering, wasn’t it?
Dave: Oh, lord yes.