Categories
Henny Youngman

My dad was the town drunk. Usually that’s not so bad, but New York City?

My dad was the town drunk. Usually that’s not so bad, but New York City?

Categories
Henny Youngman

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

Categories
Henny Youngman

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up — they have no holidays.

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up — they have no holidays.

Categories
Henny Youngman

I bet on a horse at ten to one. It didn’t come in until half-past five.

I bet on a horse at ten to one. It didn’t come in until half-past five.

Categories
Henny Youngman

If you’re going to do something tonight that you’ll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.

If you’re going to do something tonight that you’ll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.

Categories
Henny Youngman

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage, We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage, We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

Categories
Henny Youngman

I take my wife everywhere I go. She always finds her way back.

I take my wife everywhere I go. She always finds her way back.

Categories
Henny Youngman

send him a telegram and on the top put ‘page 2.’

How to drive a guy crazy: send him a telegram and on the top put ‘page 2.’

Categories
Henny Youngman

When God sneezed, I didn’t know what to say.

When God sneezed, I didn’t know what to say.

Categories
Henny Youngman

You can’t buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.

You can’t buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.

Categories
Henny Youngman

I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need, if I die by four o clock.

I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need, if I die by four o clock.