Category: Empire Records

Warren: Who glued these quarters down?
A.J.: I did.
Warren: What the hell for, man?
A.J.: I don’t feel that I need to explain my art to you, Warren.

Lucas: Mark, who’s your favorite singer?
Mark: Axl.
Lucas: Well if Axl Rose was driving down the highway, and saw Rex Manning stranded on the side of the road, do you think Axl Rose would stop and help him?
Mark:… Does Axl have a jack?

Lucas: $9104. I counted it… twice.
Lady at Craps Table: I like your style.
Lucas: Well Joe told me to count it twice…

Lucas: I do not regret the things I have done, but those I did not do.

Joe: How old are you?
Warren: Old enough to kick your butt through your skull and splatter your brains on the wall.
Joe: Yeah, he’s a juvenile.

Mark: Damn the man. Save the Empire.

Lucas: In the immortal words of The Doors, ‘The time to hesitate is through.’

Jane: Actually, his new album tested well among teenage males.
Lucas: Jane, did you compare the percentage of teenage male Rex Manning fans to the incidence of homosexuality amongst teenage males?

Lucas: Warren, look what you took.
Lucas: Rap… metal… rap… metal… And Whitney Houston.
Warren: It’s for my girlfriend, okay?
Lucas: Suuure it is. You know, someone like you needs to diminish their criminal impulses, not magnify them. Maybe some jazz or some classical.
Warren: Maybe you bite me.

A.J.: Lucas, do you think it’s possible for a person to be in love with someone else and not even know it?
Lucas: In this life there are nothing but possibilities.
A.J.: Well, that’s good, because I have to tell Corey I love her by 1:37.
Lucas: That’s an excellent time.

Mark: Hey, Lucas. I’ve decided I’m going to start a band.
Lucas: The first thing you need is a name. Then you’ll know what kind of band you’ve got.
Mark: Right, right. I was thinking about, um, Marc. How does that sound?
Lucas: Is that with a C or with a K?
Mark: Well my name is with a K, so I was thinking my band’s name could be with a C. That way it’s kind of that psychedelic, you know, trip thing.
Lucas: Always play with their minds.

Lucas: Who knows where thoughts come from? They just appear.

Eddie: This music is the glue of the world Mark. It’s what holds it all together. Without this, life would be meaningless.
Mark: Hey, did you hear about Lucas?
Eddie: Hey Lucas man, I hear you went to Vegas and you married a mobster’s wife and now you’ve got a hit on you and stuff. Is that true?
Lucas: Not entirely true.
Eddie: Well outlaw man, we salute you.
Lucas: Thank you Eddie.
Eddie: No problem.

Debra: Hey Lucas, is it true you committed the perfect crime?
Lucas: Not entirely perfect.

Debra: I went to rock and roll heaven, and I wasn’t on the guest list.

Lucas: Joe, is it O.K. if I leave the couch? ‘Cause I’m gonna leave the couch now, okay? My ass is falling asleep, so I gotta go. I’m leaving.

Lucas: Mitchell’s the man Joe.
Joe: And the man calls all the shots.
Lucas: Damn the man.
Joe: Let me explain it to you. Mitchell’s the man. I’m the idiot. You’re the screw-up. And we’re all losers. Welcome to music town.

Gina: Welcome to MusicTown, may I service you?

Eddie: Can I ask you something? Do you know where Harvard is?
A.J.: It’s near Boston.
Eddie: No I mean, do you really know where Harvard is? It’s another planet man- another universe. Totally unlike the one we know. Filled with big blond guys who eat ivy and row boats. What I’m trying to say is, you and Corey just aren’t made for each other. She’s different from you.

AJ: What’s with you today? Yesterday you were normal and today you’re like the Karate Kid. What’s with you today?
Lucas: What’s with today today?

Mark: You know what Joe? One of these days I’m gonna show you little people.