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My Girl

I only surround myself with people I find intellectually stimulating.

Veda: I only surround myself with people I find intellectually stimulating.

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My Girl

I used to like to play with my Ken and Barbie dolls. Ken was my favorite. Then one Christmas I got them a camper and all they wanted to do was hang out in it by themselves. So I wasn’t too upset when they took that wrong turn and went over the cliff.

Vada: I used to like to play with my Ken and Barbie dolls. Ken was my favorite. Then one Christmas I got them a camper and all they wanted to do was hang out in it by themselves. So I wasn’t too upset when they took that wrong turn and went over the cliff.

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My Girl

Dad, I don’t want to upset you, but my left breast is developing at a significantly faster rate that my right. It can only mean one thing. Cancer. I’m dying.

Vada: Dad, I don’t want to upset you, but my left breast is developing at a significantly faster rate that my right. It can only mean one thing. Cancer. I’m dying.
Harry: Okay, Sweetie, hand me the mayonnaise out of the fridge.

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My Girl

Pacifist!

Vada: Pacifist!
Thomas J: Am not!
Vada: Bed wetter!
Thomas J: I stopped that!

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My Girl

I’m gonna marry Mr. Bixler.

Vada: I’m gonna marry Mr. Bixler.
Thomas J: You can’t marry a teacher, it’s against the law.
Vada: It is not.
Thomas J: Yes it is, ’cause then he’ll give you all A’s, and it won’t be fair.

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My Girl

What’s that scent you’re wearing?

Shelly: What’s that scent you’re wearing?
Henry: Old Spice. Phil says it’s a timeless classic.

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My Girl

Why do you think people want to get married?

Vada: Why do you think people want to get married?
Thomas J: When you get old, you just have to.

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My Girl

Daddy, how come that coffin is so small?

Veda: Daddy, how come that coffin is so small?
Harry: They come in all sizes, honey, just like shoes.

Categories
My Girl

I’m going home.

Vada: I’m going home.
Thomas J: Why? It’s not dinnertime yet.
Vada: Dinnertime? You’re like a dog. You just go home to eat. Don’t pee on the hydrant!