Ouiser: This is it, I’ve found it, I’m in hell.
Sammy: I’d rather eat dirt!
Shelby: I would rather have thirty minutes of wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special.
Clairee Belcher: The only thing that separates us from the animals is our ability to accessorize.
Ouiser Boudreaux: I’m not crazy, I’ve just been a very bad mood for the last 40 years!
Clairee Belcher: They were both high. They’d been smokin’ everything but their shoes.
Truvy: I’m just screamin’ at my husband; I can do that any time.
Clairee Belcher: Well, you know what they say: if you don’t have anything nice to say about anybody, come sit by me!
Annelle Dupuy Desoto: Miss Truvy, I promise that my personal tragedy will not interfere with my ability to do good hair.
Truvy: When it comes to pain and suffering, she’s right up there with Elizabeth Taylor.
Ouiser: He’s a real gentleman, I bet he takes the dishes out of the sink before he pees in it.
Ouiser: I don’t see plays, ’cause I can nap at home for free. And I dont see movies ’cause they’re trash, and they ain’t got nothin’ but naked people in ’em! And I don’t read books, ’cause if they’re any good they’re gonna make ’em into a miniseries.
Truvy: I kind of like hiring somebody with a past.
Clairee: She can’t be more than eighteen. She hasn’t had time to have a past.
Truvy: Oh get with it, Clairee. This is the eighties. If you can achieve puberty, you can achieve a past.
Ouiser: I am just about at the end of my rope with you.
Drum: Well, then why don’t you tie a noose and slip it ’round your head?
Shelby: Pink is my signature color.
Truvy: Time marches on and sooner or later you realize it is marchin’ across your face.
Truvy: In a good shoe, I wear a size six, but a seven feels so good, I buy a size eight.
Clairee: I’ve just been to the dedication of the new children’s park.
Truvy: Yeah, how did that go?
Clairee: Janice Van Meter got hit with a baseball. It was fabulous.
Truvy: Was she hurt?
Clairee: I doubt it. She got hit in the head.
M’lynn (in reference to the pink and pink decorations at the wedding): The sanctuary looks like its been hosed down with Pepto Bismol.
Nancy (referring to Shelby’s new husband): That Jackson is one big hangin’ man.
Shelby: Yes, I know.