Categories
The First Wives Club

My Morty becomes this big shot on T.V… He was selling electronics, right? On our 20th wedding anniversary it hits midlife crisis major. He starts working out, he, he grows a moustache, he gets an earring. I said, “Morty, Morty, what are you? A pirate? What’s next? A parrot?” And all of a sudden I’m a big drag. I’m holding him back because I won’t go rollerblading.

Brenda: My Morty becomes this big shot on T.V… He was selling electronics, right? On our 20th wedding anniversary it hits midlife crisis major. He starts working out, he, he grows a moustache, he gets an earring. I said, “Morty, Morty, what are you? A pirate? What’s next? A parrot?” And all of a sudden I’m a big drag. I’m holding him back because I won’t go rollerblading.

Categories
The First Wives Club

Dad, I’m a lesbian. A big one.

Chris: Dad, I’m a lesbian. A big one.

Categories
The First Wives Club

You think that because I’m a movie star I don’t have feelings. Well you’re wrong. I’m an actress. I’ve got all of them!

Elise: You think that because I’m a movie star I don’t have feelings. Well you’re wrong. I’m an actress. I’ve got all of them!

Categories
The First Wives Club

If I give you one more face lift you’re going to be able to blink your lips!

Doctor Packman: If I give you one more face lift you’re going to be able to blink your lips!

Categories
The First Wives Club

Now, I ask you, Duarto, who’s supposed to wear that? Some anorexic teenager? Some fetus? It’s a conspiracy, I know it is! I’ve had enough. I’m leading a protest. I’m not buying another article of clothing until these designers come to their senses!

Brenda: Now, I ask you, Duarto, who’s supposed to wear that? Some anorexic teenager? Some fetus? It’s a conspiracy, I know it is! I’ve had enough. I’m leading a protest. I’m not buying another article of clothing until these designers come to their senses!

Categories
The First Wives Club

You’ve always been jealous of me, even in college! Because I was blonde and beautiful, and could have any guy I wanted!

Elise: You’ve always been jealous of me, even in college! Because I was blonde and beautiful, and could have any guy I wanted!
Brenda: Could and did! All the senior class and half the faculty!
Elise: It was the sixties.

Categories
The First Wives Club

Mom I’m a lesbian. But don’t tell Daddy! I want to wait for a good time; like Father’s Day or Christmas Morning!

Chris: Mom I’m a lesbian. But don’t tell Daddy! I want to wait for a good time; like Father’s Day or Christmas Morning!