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The Odd Couple

I hate little notes on my pillow. Like this morning. ‘We’re all out of cornflakes. F.U.’ It took me three hours to figure out that ‘F.U.’ was Felix Unger. It’s not your fault, Felix. It’s a rotten combination.

Oscar: I hate little notes on my pillow. Like this morning. ‘We’re all out of cornflakes. F.U.’ It took me three hours to figure out that ‘F.U.’ was Felix Unger. It’s not your fault, Felix. It’s a rotten combination.

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The Odd Couple

A suicide telegram? Who sends a suicide telegram?

Murray: A suicide telegram? Who sends a suicide telegram?
Oscar Madison: Felix, the nut, that’s who! Can you imagine getting a thing like that? She even had to tip the kid a quarter.

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The Odd Couple

A whole bottle of pills! My God, get an ambulance!

Murray: A whole bottle of pills! My God, get an ambulance!
Oscar Madison: Wait a minute, will ya?! We don’t even know what kind!
Murray: What difference does it make?! He took a whole bottle!
Oscar Madison: Well, maybe they were vitamins! He could be the healthiest one in the room!

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The Odd Couple

For God’s sake, do something. Say something.

Murray: For God’s sake, do something. Say something.
Oscar Madison: What? What do you say to a man who’s crying in your bathroom?

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The Odd Couple

Don’t point that finger at me unless you intend to use it.

Oscar Madison: Don’t point that finger at me unless you intend to use it.

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The Odd Couple

I’m in for a quarter.

Oscar Madison: I’m in for a quarter.
Murray: Aren’t you going to look at your cards first?
Oscar Madison: What for? I’m gonna bluff anyway.

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The Odd Couple

Life goes on, even for those of us who are divorced, broke, and sloppy.

Oscar Madison: Life goes on, even for those of us who are divorced, broke, and sloppy.

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The Odd Couple

Don’t threaten me with jail, Blanche, because it’s not a threat. With my expenses and my alimony, a prisoner takes home more pay than I do.

Oscar Madison: Don’t threaten me with jail, Blanche, because it’s not a threat. With my expenses and my alimony, a prisoner takes home more pay than I do.

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The Odd Couple

Murray, lend me twenty dollars or I’ll call your wife and tell her you’re in Central Park wearing a dress.

Oscar Madison: Murray, lend me twenty dollars or I’ll call your wife and tell her you’re in Central Park wearing a dress.

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The Odd Couple

I’m a neurotic nut, but you’re crazy!

Felix Ungar: I’m a neurotic nut, but you’re crazy!

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The Odd Couple

Look at this. You’re the only man in the world with clenched hair.

Oscar Madison: Look at this. You’re the only man in the world with clenched hair.

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The Odd Couple

His fridge had been out of order for two weeks now. I saw milk standing in there that wasn’t in the bottle!

Roy: His fridge had been out of order for two weeks now. I saw milk standing in there that wasn’t in the bottle!

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The Odd Couple

You want… uh… brown sandwiches… or green sandwiches?

Oscar Madison: You want… uh… brown sandwiches… or green sandwiches?
Murray: What’s the green?
Oscar Madison: It’s either very new cheese or very old meat.
Murray: I’ll take the brown.

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The Odd Couple

In other words, you’re saying you want me to leave?

Felix Ungar: In other words, you’re saying you want me to leave?
Oscar Madison: Not in other words! Those are the perfect words!