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Ross, if homo sapiens actually were HOMO sapiens, is that why they’re extinct?

Joey: Ross, if homo sapiens actually were HOMO sapiens, is that why they’re extinct?
Ross: Joey, homo sapiens are people!
Joey: Hey, I’m not judging!

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Friends

I was having a little chat with ah, Bonnie, and ah, guess what, she-she happened to bring up y’know, who was behind the um, whole head shaving idea, and now, who was it? Oh, that’s right, that’s right, it was you!

Ross: I was having a little chat with ah, Bonnie, and ah, guess what, she-she happened to bring up y’know, who was behind the um, whole head shaving idea, and now, who was it? Oh, that’s right, that’s right, it was you!
Rachel: That was her idea, I just gave her a nudge.
Ross: She said you gave her the razor!

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Friends

See, he’s her lobster!

Phoebe: See, he’s her lobster!

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Friends

Well, my apartment’s not there anymore because I drank it.

Chandler: Well, my apartment’s not there anymore because I drank it.

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Friends

Ok, lets focus something else. Beautiful eyes, nice nose, great smile, BIG HEAD BIG HEAD BIG HEAD!!!

Chandler: Ok, lets focus something else. Beautiful eyes, nice nose, great smile, BIG HEAD BIG HEAD BIG HEAD!!!

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Friends

Handle’s my middle name. Well, actually, it’s the middle part of my first name.

Chandler: Handle’s my middle name. Well, actually, it’s the middle part of my first name.

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Friends

It’s like someone literally wrote down my worst nightmare, and then charged me $32 to see it!

Chandler: It’s like someone literally wrote down my worst nightmare, and then charged me $32 to see it!

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Friends

You’re over me? When were you, under me?

Ross: You’re over me? When were you, under me?

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Friends

He said he was going to do my inseam, and he ran his hand up my leg, and then, there was definite–

Chandler: He said he was going to do my inseam, and he ran his hand up my leg, and then, there was definite–
Ross: what?
Chandler: Cupping.
Joey: That’s how they do pants. First they go up one side, they move it over, they go up the other side, they move it back, and then they do the rear. What? Ross, Ross, would you tell him? Isn’t that how they measure pants?
Ross: Yes, yes it is. In prison!

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Friends

We have to assign heads to something.

Chandler: We have to assign heads to something.
Joey: Oh, right. Okay, ducks is heads because ducks have heads.
Chandler: What kind of scary ass clowns came to your birthday party?

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Friends

Oh honey, please, no, I can’t get started with all that Ross stuff again. I mean he’s going to be screwed up for a long time. And besides, you know, I don’t go for guys right after they get divorced.

Rachel: Oh honey, please, no, I can’t get started with all that Ross stuff again. I mean he’s going to be screwed up for a long time. And besides, you know, I don’t go for guys right after they get divorced.
Monica: Right, you only go for them 5 minutes before they get married.

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Friends

Hi, here’s the deal. We lost a carseat on a bus today. It’s white plastic, with a handle, and it fits onto a stroller. Oh yeah, and there was a baby in it.

Joey: Hi, here’s the deal. We lost a carseat on a bus today. It’s white plastic, with a handle, and it fits onto a stroller. Oh yeah, and there was a baby in it.

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Friends

My sperm have low motility and you have an inhospitable environment.

Chandler: My sperm have low motility and you have an inhospitable environment.
Monica: What does that mean?
Chandler: It means that my boys are too lazy to get off their Barca-Loungers, and your uterus is prepared to kill the ones who do.

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Friends

Is this the episode of Three’s Company where there’s a misunderstanding?

Chandler: Is this the episode of Three’s Company where there’s a misunderstanding?

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Friends

All right, let’s get some perspective here, ok? These things, they happen for a reason.

Chandler: All right, let’s get some perspective here, ok? These things, they happen for a reason.
Monica: Yeah. You!
Chandler: All right, Pheebs, back me up here, ok? You believe in that karma crap, don’t you?
Phoebe: Yeah, by the way, good luck in your next life as a dung beetle.

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Friends

Uh, look, Kay, listen, we need to talk, okay? Um, look, I like you – I really do. I like – I like you a lot, okay, but sometimes when you, when you playfully punch me like that, it feels like someone is hitting me with a very tiny, but very real, bat.

Joey: Uh, look, Kay, listen, we need to talk, okay? Um, look, I like you – I really do. I like – I like you a lot, okay, but sometimes when you, when you playfully punch me like that, it feels like someone is hitting me with a very tiny, but very real, bat.

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Friends

If you buy a mattress from Janice’s ex-husband, isn’t that like betraying Chandler?

Phoebe: If you buy a mattress from Janice’s ex-husband, isn’t that like betraying Chandler?
Monica: Not at these prices!

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Friends

You’re jealous because I’m a real doctor.

Russ: You’re jealous because I’m a real doctor.
Ross: Hey, you’re a doctor of gums. That’s the smallest body part you can major in. It’s like day one, floss. Day two, here’s your diploma.

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Friends

Do you really think the best reason to get married is becuase you’re sorry?

Monica: Do you really think the best reason to get married is becuase you’re sorry?
Chandler: Oh, no. The best reason to get married is pregnancy.

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Friends

Just tell him Joey sent you. He’ll know what it means.

Joey: Just tell him Joey sent you. He’ll know what it means.
Chandler: Gee, I don’t know. Do you think he’ll be able to crack your code?

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Friends

Oh really? What uh, what does he want with her?

Ross: Oh really? What uh, what does he want with her?
Chandler: Well, I’m guessing he wants to do a little dance… ya know, make a little love… Well, pretty much get down tonight.

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Friends

We’re very sad that it didn’t work out between you and Emily, monkey. But I think you’re absolutely delicious.

Mrs. Waltham (to Ross): We’re very sad that it didn’t work out between you and Emily, monkey. But I think you’re absolutely delicious.
Mr. Waltham: Excuse me. I’m standing right here.
Mrs. Waltham (to Mr. Waltham): Oh, yes, there you are.

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Friends

Oh my god. How cute is the new eye doctor?

Monica: Oh my god. How cute is the new eye doctor?
Rachel: So cute I’m thinking about jamming this pen in my eye.

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Friends

Shut up, the camera adds ten pounds.

Monica: Shut up, the camera adds ten pounds.
Chandler: Ahh, so how many cameras are actually on you?

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Friends

You know who doesn’t even like dirty movies? My new boyfriend, Joshua.

Rachel: You know who doesn’t even like dirty movies? My new boyfriend, Joshua.
Joey: Yeah, right.
Rachel: No, he told me. He prefers to leave certain things to the imagination.
Chandler: Oh, oh, yeah, and did he also say that some of the dialog is corny, and that he actually found it was funny, not sexy?
Rachel: Yes!
Joey: Yeah, he likes porn.