Smithers: Sir, there may never be another time to say… I love you, sir.
Burns: Oh, hot dog. Thank you for making my last few moments on Earth socially awkward.
Category: The Simpsons
The Simpsons is an American animated sitcom created by Matt Groening for the Fox Broadcasting Company.
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Flaming Mo
Flaming Mo
When the weight of the world has got you down
And you want to end your life.
Bills to pay, a dead end job
And problems with your wife.
But don’t throw in the towel
‘Cause there’s a place right down the block
Where you can drink your misery away.
At Flaming Moe’s.
Let’s all go to Flaming Moe’s.
Let’s all go to Flaming Moe’s.
When liquor in a mug
Can warm you like a hug.
And happiness is just a Flaming Moe away.
Bart: I’m looking for a Mr. Jass. First name Hugh.
Mo: Hang on, lemmie check. Is there a Hugh Jass here? I’m looking for a Hugh Jass!
Hugh: I’m Hugh Jass.
Mo: Phone for ya.
Hugh: Hello? I’m Hugh Jass.
Bart: Um…I’m gonna’ be straight with you Mister, this is just a prank call that went horribly wrong.
Hugh: Oh, ok then. Have a nice night. (hangs up) What a nice young man.
Lawyer 1: Ladies and gentleman of the jury, who do you find more attractive, Mel Gibson or Tom Cruise?
Judge: What is the point of all this?
Lawyer 1: Your Honor, I am so confident in Marge Simpson’s guilt that I am willing to waste the jury’s time with ratings of the superhunks!
Hutz: Oooh, he’s gonna win!
Marge: Mr. Hutz!
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What the hell is this?
Bart: What the hell is this?
Lisa: It’s one of those campy ’70s throwbacks that appeals to Generation Xers.
Bart: We need another Vietnam to thin out their ranks a little.
Marge: Grandpa, why are there only 49 stars on that flag?
Grandpa: It’ll be a cold day in hell before I recognize Missourah!
Homer: A hundred bucks? For a comic book? Who drew it, Micha-ma-langelo?
Moe: If I ever get ahold of you I’m gonna rip your eyes out of their sockets and shove ’em down your pants so that you can watch me kick the crap outta you!
Mr. Burns: Homer, I want you to show this woman the time of her life.
Homer: Gotcha. Marge, we’re getting some drive-thru, then we’re doing it twice.
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I love you, honey.
Homer: I love you, honey.
Marge: Are you talking to me or the beer?
Homer: To you my bubbly, longnecked, beechwood aged lover.
Groundskeeper Willie: Lunchlady Doris, have ye got any grease?
Lunchlady Doris: Yes, Yes we do.
Willie: Then grease me up woman.
Doris: Okey-Dokey.
Bart: Ah, man! I’m only ten and I already have two mortal enemies!
Lionel Hutz: Mr. Simpson, this is the most blatant case of fraudulent advertising since my suit against the film ‘The Neverending Story’
It Was a Very Good Beer
When I was 17,
I drank some very good beer.
I drank some very good beer,
I purchased with a fake I.D.
My name was Brian McGee.
I stayed up listening to Queen.
When I was 17.
Superintendant Chalmers: How come when I heard the word ‘school’ followed by the word ‘exploded’ I immediately thought of the word SKINNER!?
Skinner: Uh oh, two independent thought alarms in one day. The children are overstimulated. Willie, remove all the colored chalk from the classrooms.
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How were you a political prisoner?
Marge: How were you a political prisoner?
Homer: I kicked a giant mouse in the butt! Do I have to draw you a diagram?
Lisa: I think it’s ironic that it was dad’s weight that allowed him to plug the hole, while a slimmer man would have fallen to his death.
Bart: And I think it’s ironic that for once dad’s butt prevented the escape of toxic ga-
Marge: BART!
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Please dad?
Bart: Please dad?
Homer: No.
Bart: Please dad?
Homer: No. Look boy, I don’t blame you for bugging me like this because when you bug me like this I usually give in…shows you’ve been paying attention…but we both know I’m not going to give you a hundred dollars.
Moe: The new fryer’s here! I bought it used from the navy. You could flash-fry a buffallo in 40 seconds in that baby.
Homer: 40 seconds?? But I want it now!
Homer: Please, Marge. How often can I see a movie of this caliber on late night tv?
Marge: Is there something wrong, Homey?
Homer: No. It’s just that I’ve only seen this movie twice before, and I’ve seen you every night for the last eleve-yaiii! What I meant to say is, um, we’ll snuggle tomorrow, sweetie. I promise.
Principal Skinner: Alright, Martin. For your community service, you’ll be setting up a midnight basketball program for inner city street gangs.
Homer: No beer and no T.V. make Homer something something…
Marge: Go crazy?
Homer: Don’t mind if I do!
Homer: I’m not normally a praying man, but if you’re up there, please save me, Superman.
Chief Wiggum: Sideshow Bob has no decency. He called me Chief Piggum!