Jess: I brake for birds. I rock a lot of polka dots. I have touched glitter in the last 24 hours. I spend my entire day talking to children. And I find it fundamentally strange that you’re not a dessert person. That’s just weird, and it freaks me out. And I’m sorry I don’t talk like Murphy Brown. And I hate your pantsuit. I wish it had ribbons on it or something to make it just slightly cuter. And that doesn’t mean I’m not smart and tough and strong.
Nick: That is the ugliest dress I have ever seen, Jess!
Schmidt: I’m really gonna need you to step it up tonight, okay? When I see you, I wanna be thinking, “Who let the dirty slut out of the slut house?”
Cameron Tucker: She looks like she was dipped in glue and dragged through a flea market.
Cameron: I do not pick her up early from preschool.
Mitchell: Lily, did daddy pick you up early from preschool?
Cameron: See? Case closed.
Lily: We didn’t go.
Mitchell: Case open.
Lily: We went shopping.
Cameron:All right, Lily.
Lily: We bought matchy hats.
Cameron: You’re going to your room.
Mitchell: You’re both going to her room.
Claire: Are those jazz dancing shoes?
Phil: Tightrope walking shoes. Got them on sale, only used once.
Claire: That’s not a ringing endorsement.
Claire: Our son is not weird. What’s weird is that her kid wears aftershave and dresses like a count.
Gloria: I always wanted a daughter: to dress her up in pretty dresses, do her hair, her nails, her makeup. No one knows this, but for the first year of his life, I made up Manny like a girl and told everyone that he was my daughter. But just for a few times, I didn’t want to mess with his head. When he found the pictures, I told him that it was his twin sister who died.
Mitchell: Wow, paisley and pink? Was there something wrong with the fishnet tank top?
Duckie: This is a really volcanic ensemble you’re wearing, it’s really marvelous!
Steve Rogers: We have orders, we should follow them.
Tony Stark: Following’s not really my style.
Steve Rogers: And you’re all about style, aren’t you?
Tony Stark: Of the people in this room, which one is: A, wearing a spangly outfit; and B, not of use?
Beverly: Why are you wearing a wetsuit?
Jeremy: This isn’t a wetsuit, these are skinny pants and a fitted shirt.
The big problem is to find suitable hats. I don’t care for them all that much, but you have to wear them in politics.
Mac: Who’s our wardrobe supervisor?
Kendra: We don’t have one.
Mac: Get one. Charcoal gray, navy blue, and black. Zenga, Armani, Hugo Boss.
Jake: He’s not gonna look like an elite Northeastern prick?
Mac: He is. Let’s make that sexy again.
Jake: Was it ever sexy?
Mac: Ask the Kennedy brothers.
There are two kinds of bathing suits, those that are adapted for use in the water, and those that are unfit for use except on dry land. If you are going to swim, wear a water bathing suit. But if you are merely going to play on the beach and pose for your camera friends, you may safely wear the dry land variety.
Bunny Wigglesworth: There is no shame in being poor, only dressing poorly!
Fezzik: Why do you wear a mask? Were you burned by acid, or something like that?
Westley: Oh no. It’s just they’re terribly comfortable. I think everyone will be wearing them in the future.
Cher: He does dress better than I do. What would I bring to the relationship?
Mel: What the hell is that?
Cher: A dress.
Mel: Says who?
Cher: Calvin Klein.
Monica: Whoa! Where you going in those pants? 1982?
Judge: I thought I told you to wear a suit in my courtroom!
Vinny: You were serious about dat?
Professor Foot: With a ring like that I could – dare I say it? – rule the world.
Margaret: I think that dress hikes up a little.
Dinah: No, it’s me that does.
Bianca: You know, there’s a difference between like and love. I like my Skechers but I love my Prada backpack.
Chastity: But I love my Skechers.
Bianca: That’s because you don’t have a Prada backpack.
Teddy said it was a hat,
So I put it on.
Now daddy’s sayin’
“Where the heck’s the toilet plunger gone?”
If high heels were so wonderful, men would be wearing them.