Jess: I brake for birds. I rock a lot of polka dots. I have touched glitter in the last 24 hours. I spend my entire day talking to children. And I find it fundamentally strange that you’re not a dessert person. That’s just weird, and it freaks me out. And I’m sorry I don’t talk like Murphy Brown. And I hate your pantsuit. I wish it had ribbons on it or something to make it just slightly cuter. And that doesn’t mean I’m not smart and tough and strong.
Lou Solverson: So I got two kinds of sandwiches, tuna and turkey. Tuna’s for the fish. Unless you think they’d think that’s cannibalism.
After a good dinner one can forgive anybody, even one’s own relations.
Nobody had ever said that to Bertie before. How about some chocolate? It was not a complex, phrase, but its power, its sheer, overwhelming sense of gift and possibility filled Bertie with awe. Well might more of us say these words to others, and more frequently – how healing would that prove to be. “Look, we’ve had our differences, but how about some chocolate?” Or: “I’m so sorry, how about some chocolate?” Or simply: “Great to see you! How about some chocolate?”
Dwight: Actually, I do own property. My grandfather left me a 60-acre working beet farm. I run it with my cousin Mose. We sell beets to the local stores and restaurants. It’s a nice little farm… sometimes teenagers use it for sex.
Mary Richards: Oh Rhoda, chocolate doesn’t solve anything.
Rhoda Morgenstern: No Mare, cottage cheese solves nothing; chocolate can do it all!
Rhoda Morgenstern: I don’t know why I should even bother to eat this. I should just apply it directly to my hips.
Rhoda Morgenstern Gerard: My name is Rhoda Morgenstern. I was born in the Bronx, New York in December, 1941. I’ve always felt responsible for World War II. The first thing I remember liking that liked me back was food. I had a bad puberty; it lasted 17 years. I’m a high school graduate. I went to art school. My entrance exam was on a book of matches. I decided to move out of the house when I was 24; my mother still refers to this as the time I ran away from home. Eventually I ran to Minneapolis, where it’s cold, and I figured I’d keep better. Now I’m back in Manhattan. New York, this is your last chance!
I remember wondering why it was that eating something good could make me feel so terrible, while vomiting something terrible could make me feel so good.
Uncle Bub: Did you know that I invented the peanut butter and jelly sandwich?
Timothy Green: Did you know that I’m a big fan of your work?
There is no argument anywhere that alcohol makes us healthier. Plus, you have a drink, then your drink has a drink, and soon, you’re face first in a pile of french fries with cheese sauce.
Marcie: Don’t feel bad, Chuck. Peppermint Patty didn’t mean all those things she said. Actually, she really likes you.
Charlie Brown: I don’t feel bad for myself, I just feel bad because I’ve ruined everyone’s Thanksgiving.
Marcie: But Thanksgiving is more than eating, Chuck. You heard what Linus was saying out there. Those early Pilgrims were thankful for what had happened to them, and we should be thankful, too. We should just be thankful for being together. I think that’s what they mean by ‘Thanksgiving,’ Charlie Brown.
Peppermint Patty: What kind of Thanksgiving dinner is this? Where’s the turkey, Chuck? Don’t you know anything about Thanksgiving dinners? Where’s the mashed potatoes? Where’s the cranberry sauce? Where’s the pumpkin pie?
Charlie Brown: I can’t cook a Thanksgiving dinner. All I can make is cold cereal and maybe toast.
Linus van Pelt: That’s right. I’ve seen you make toast. You can’t butter it, but maybe we can help you.
Louise: Turns out dad has been putting murdered cows in our hamburgers.
Gene: Let’s release the lobster back into the supermarket from whence it came.
Austin Powers: Jimi Hendrix deceased, drugs. Janis Joplin deceased, alcohol. Mama Cass deceased, ham sandwich.
Jenny Myer: Fronch dressing. Fronch fries. Fronch bread. And to drink….Peru!
Dr. Hathaway: What’s that smell?
Chris: Must be the dog.
Dr. Hathaway: That’s popcorn.
Chris: Yes sir, I know.
Dr. Hathaway: Get it away from me, I can’t stand popcorn, I hate popcorn.
Chris: Good, now I know what to get you for your birthday.
Bobby: Oh! Spoons! Can I assume the potatoes will be mashed tonight?
Gekko: Lunch is for wimps.
Spike: There’s something wrong with this yogurt.
William: It’s mayonnaise.
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
I think I prefer fish, said Gaynor.
Kiri explained that she was wrong and that she preferred chicken to fish. Westerners, he explained, preferred chicken. It was well known. Fish was only cheap food for peasants. We would be eating chicken, which was sexy and which we preferred.
Rizzo the Rat: Mother always taught me: never eat singing food.