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Roger Ebert

For 40 years, I didn’t miss a single deadline, but since July, I have missed every one.

For 40 years, I didn’t miss a single deadline, but since July, I have missed every one. I also, to my intense disappointment, missed the Telluride and Toronto film festivals. Having just written my first review since June (The Queen), I think an update is in order.

Categories
Roger Ebert

It is human nature to look away from illness.

It is human nature to look away from illness. We don’t enjoy a reminder of our own fragile mortality. That’s why writing on the Internet has become a life-saver for me. My ability to think and write have not been affected. And on the Web, my real voice finds expression.

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Sherlock

Oh what now? I’m in shock! Look, I’ve got a blanket.

Sherlock Holmes: Oh what now? I’m in shock! Look, I’ve got a blanket.

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Sherlock

I’ve outlived four people. That’s the most fun you can have with an aneurysm.

Sherlock Holmes: You’ve murdered four people.
Jeff: I’ve outlived four people. That’s the most fun you can have with an aneurysm.

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Modern Family

If I had a nickel for every time I threw up in class, you know how much money I would have?

Phil: Everyone throws up at school once in a while. If I had a nickel for every time I threw up in class, you know how much money I would have?
Luke: Thirty-five cents.
Phil: That’s right.

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Wilson Mizner

Stop dying. Am trying to write a comedy.

Stop dying. Am trying to write a comedy.

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The Office (U.S.)

I thought you said you were inventing new diseases. That’s spontaneous dental hydroplosion.

Jim: Wait, what are you writing? Don’t write Ebola or mad cow disease, all right? Because I’m suffering from both of them.
Pam: I’m inventing new diseases.
Jim: Oh, great.
Pam: So, like, let’s say that my teeth turn to liquid and then they drip down the back of my throat. What would you call that?
Jim: I thought you said you were inventing new diseases. That’s spontaneous dental hydroplosion.
Pam: Nice.

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Douglas Adams

Blackness swims toward you like a school of eels who have just seen something that eels like a lot.

You are disoriented. Blackness swims toward you like a school of eels who have just seen something that eels like a lot.

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Amy Tan

I remember wondering why it was that eating something good could make me feel so terrible

I remember wondering why it was that eating something good could make me feel so terrible, while vomiting something terrible could make me feel so good.

Categories
Buffy the Vampire Slayer

And they say romance is dead. Or maybe they just wish it.

Buffy: First thanksgiving on my own, and we all got through it.
Xander: And you know what? I think my syphilis is clearing right up.
Buffy: And they say romance is dead. Or maybe they just wish it.