Of course you don't know! You don't know because only I know. If you knew and I didn't know, then you'd be teaching me instead of me teaching you--and for a student to be teaching his teacher is presumptuous and rude. Do I make myself clear?

More from Mr. Turkentine

• I've just decided to switch our Friday schedule to Monday, which means that the test we take each Friday on what we learned during the week will now take place on Monday before we've learned it. But since today is Tuesday, it doesn't matter in the slightest.