I’m not kidding, that boy’s head is like Sputnik; spherical but quite pointy at parts! Aye, now that was offsides, now wasn’t it? He’ll be crying himself to sleep tonight, on his huge pillow.

More from Stuart Mackenzie

• Now go and kiss your mother or I'll kick your teeth in!
• Would ya look at the size of that kid's head! It's a virtual planetoid and it has it's own weather system! Looks like an orange on a toothpick!