If a child asks you where rain comes from, tell them it's God crying. If they ask why He's crying, tell them it's probably because of something they did.

More from Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy

• Dad always said that laughter is the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died from tuberculosis.
• I want to die in my sleep peacefully like my grandfather, not screaming and in terror like his passengers.
• The tired and thirsty prospector threw himself down at the edge of the watering hole and started to drink. But then he looked around and saw skulls and bones everywhere. “Uh-oh,” he thought. “This watering hole is reserved for skeletons.”