Rimmer: Please rush me my portable walrus polishing kit. Four super brushes to tackle even the trickiest of sea-bound mammals. Yes, I am over 18, although my IQ isn't.

More from Red Dwarf Series II

• Rimmer: Look, Lister, no point feeling sorry about Holly. It's a kindness. Like a blind old incontinent sheepdog, he's had his day. Take him out to the barn with a double-barreled shot-gun and blow the mother away. And I'm only saying that because I'm so fond of him.
• Cat: Yeah, it’s awful, man, when a woman screws you up so bad you want to become a squirrel.
• Kristine Kochanski: I don't know about this. I've never been seduced by Predeterminism Theory before.
• Kryten: I’m up and down more often than a pair of kangaroos in the mating season!
• Kryten: My goodness. I do believe I'm drunk. I suddenly feel the need... to strut my funky stuff!
• Lister: I prefer something slightly more melodious. Like the long, drawn-out death rattle of a man suffering from terminal flatulence.