And so I set these things down before the onset of the first of a thousand small physical degradations as, in a still-distant suburb, Death strides whistling towards me.

More from Barry Humphries

• My mother used to say that there are no strangers, only friends you haven’t met yet. She’s now in a maximum security twilight home in Australia.
• My mother used to say that there are no strangers, only friends you haven't met yet. She's now in a maximum security twilight home in Australia. as Dame Edna Everage
• There is no more terrible fate for a comedian than to be taken seriously.
• There is perhaps, no more dangerous man in the world than the man with the sensibilities of an artist but without creative talent. With luck such men make wonderful theatrical impresarios and interior decorators, or else they become mass murderers or critics.