Henny Youngman — People

I bet on a horse at ten to one. It didn't come in until half-past five.

Henny Youngman

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.

Henny Youngman

A folded paper aeroplane rests on a miniature striped deckchair beneath a yellow and orange paper umbrella. — Original artwork

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up — they have no holidays.

Henny Youngman

I take my wife everywhere I go. She always finds her way back.

Henny Youngman

I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need, if I die by four o clock.

Henny Youngman

My dad was the town drunk. Usually that's not so bad, but New York City?

Henny Youngman

Two empty chairs stand beside a small round dining table with a white cloth, folded swan napkin and lamp. — Original artwork

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage, We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

Henny Youngman

When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say.

Henny Youngman

A pale blue closed paperback with a small glass on top holding a paper umbrella, on an orange checkered cloth. — Original artwork

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

Henny Youngman

You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.

Henny Youngman