My mother had a look on her face that I’ll never forget. It was one of complete despair and horror, for losing Bing, for being so foolish as to think she could use faith to change fate.

More from The Joy Luck Club (1989)

• I began to look at all events and all things as relevant, an opportunity to take or avoid.
• I discovered that maybe it was fate all along, that faith was just an illusion that somehow you’re in control.
• I had new thoughts, willful thoughts, or rather thoughts filled with lots of won’ts. I won’t let her change me, I promised myself. I won’t be what I’m not.
• I remember wondering why it was that eating something good could make me feel so terrible, while vomiting something terrible could make me feel so good.
• It is because I had so much joy that I came to have so much hate.
• I was no longer scared. I could see what was inside me.