I smoke, if this bothers anyone, I recommend you looking around the world in which we live and... shutting your fucking mouth. Either that or suffer a facial burn, your choice. After all this is America, land of freedom, so you have that option ahead of you.

More from Bill Hicks

• Cause you know, if you play New Kids on the Block albums backwards, they sound better.
• I don't do drugs any more...than the average touring funk band.
• I just cannot, you know, believe in a war against drugs when they’ve got anti-drug commercials on TV all day long, followed by, “This Bud’s for you.”
• I just cannot, you know, believe in a war against drugs when they've got anti-drug commercials on TV all day long, followed by, "This Bud's for you." Relentless (stand-up comedy routine)
• I was in Nashville, Tennesee last year, after the show I went to a Waffle House, I'm not proud of it, I was hungry. And I'm alone, I'm eating and I'm reading a book, right? Waitress walks over to me, "Tch tch tch tch. Hey, what you readin' for?"
• That is one of my big fears in life, that I'm gonna die, you know, and my parents are gonna come to clean out my apartment, find that porno wing I've been adding onto for years.