I want to die in my sleep peacefully like my grandfather, not screaming and in terror like his passengers.

More from Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey

• Dad always said that laughter is the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died from tuberculosis.
• If a child asks you where rain comes from, tell them it's God crying. If they ask why He's crying, tell them it's probably because of something they did.
• I hope that after I die, people will say of me: “That guy sure owed me a lot of money.”
• The tired and thirsty prospector threw himself down at the edge of the watering hole and started to drink. But then he looked around and saw skulls and bones everywhere. “Uh-oh,” he thought. “This watering hole is reserved for skeletons.”
• 24 beers in a case, 24 hours in a day, coincedence? I think not.
• A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain.