Smiling and sorrowful white theatre masks at opposite ends of a tilted plank balanced on a lilac cube. — Original artwork

Dad always said that laughter is the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died from tuberculosis.

Saturday Night Live

A teal teardrop suspended above a glass bowl of water on a dark ledge. — Original artwork

If a child asks you where rain comes from, tell them it's God crying. If they ask why He's crying, tell them it's probably because of something they did.

Saturday Night Live

A pink piggy bank with scattered coins and a small white flower on a pale green surface. — Original artwork

I hope that after I die, people will say of me: “That guy sure owed me a lot of money.”

Jack Handey

A yellow toy bus wearing a small lavender nightcap and resting on a matching pillow. — Original artwork

I want to die in my sleep peacefully like my grandfather, not screaming and in terror like his passengers.

Saturday Night Live

Painterly cracked jaw piece, dark fedora and scattered tooth-like pieces on a dark surface. — Original artwork

The tired and thirsty prospector threw himself down at the edge of the watering hole and started to drink. But then he looked around and saw skulls and bones everywhere. “Uh-oh,” he thought. “This watering hole is reserved for skeletons.”

Saturday Night Live