In the heat of battle, my father wove a tapestry of obsenity that as far as we know, is still hanging in space over Lake Michigan.

More from A Christmas Story

• Sons a bitches! Bumpass'!!
• Oh no, it was the classic mother BB gun block! Heh, heh. “You’ll shoot your eye out!” That deadly phrase uttered many times before by hundreds of mothers was not surmountable by any means known to kiddom.
• Only one thing in the world could've dragged me away from the soft glow of electric sex gleaming in the window.
• Randy lay there like a slug...it was his only defense.
• Some men are Baptists...others Catholics...My father was an Oldsmobile man.
• I can't put my arms down!!