Do you have any idea what its like to jack off in an armoire?

More from Life as a House

• Change can be so constant, you don’t even feel the difference until there is one.
• Sam, if you were a house, this is where you would want to be built. On a rock, over-looking the sea.
• You’ve worn out your welcome at this house, Sam. This may very well be the worst summer of your life but you’ve earned it.
• What kind of mother can’t stand her own son?
• I’m not even listening.
• I think there has to be a door between where you cook and where you crap. Even in the bush – tribal people, you know, they have a place for both. Probably it’s like a law. God! It’s probably in the Bible. It’s at least a building code violation.