Burn rubber does not mean warp speed!
Sam
Do you have any idea what its like to jack off in an armoire?
Sam
‘Greased Lightning’ is my cell phone ringtone and I’ve been knocked out by a car door before, so I was really looking forward to recreating the reality of that moment on stage.
Sam
How sick is she?
Sam
I’m not even listening.
Sam
I’m the luckiest son of a bitch in the world. (a customer knocks on the door) Sorry, we’re closed.
Sam
I think there has to be a door between where you cook and where you crap. Even in the bush – tribal people, you know, they have a place for both. Probably it’s like a law. God! It’s probably in the Bible. It’s at least a building code violation.
Sam
It's a shame about raisins.
Sam
Waiting for you is like waiting for a rain in the middle of a drought. Hopeless and disappointing!
Sam
Why can’t you all just die and leave me alone?
Sam
You're a creature of the night, Michael. My own brother, a goddam shit-sucking vampire. You wait 'til Mom finds out!
Sam