Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.

More from Erma Bombeck

• Anybody who watches three games of football in a row should be declared brain dead.
• It's the biggest on-the-job- training program in existence today. On motherhood. Motherhood, the Second Oldest Profession, introduction (1983).
• Motherhood is the second oldest profession in the world. It never questions age, height, religious preference, health, political affiliation, citizenship, morality, ethnic background, marital status, economic level, convenience, or previous experience.