It's the biggest on-the-job- training program in existence today. On motherhood. Motherhood, the Second Oldest Profession, introduction (1983).

More from Erma Bombeck

• Anybody who watches three games of football in a row should be declared brain dead.
• Motherhood is the second oldest profession in the world. It never questions age, height, religious preference, health, political affiliation, citizenship, morality, ethnic background, marital status, economic level, convenience, or previous experience.
• Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
• 24 beers in a case, 24 hours in a day, coincedence? I think not.
• A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain.
• Above all, do not fail to give good dinners, and to pay attention to the women.