I shall endeavor to transcribe it on my pad, photocopy it and file it for future reference.
Bubble
I am civilized to my platform toes.
Eddie
Inside of me there is a thin person screaming to get out.
Eddie
(Eddie is arrested for stealing a case of wine) Patsy: My name is Patsy Stone and I am an alcoholic, and what she did was an act of humanitarian mercy.
Patsy
I suppose I could just go through the motions, wouldn't you like that Justin? It would be-
Eddie
Surgery, sweetie. Lipo, on the hands and stomach, bum lift, tit lift, lose a rib and see what happens with my lips!
Eddie
Sweetie, we dragged these people screaming into the 20th Century. We gave them all the mod-cons, darling. We gave them the non-squat toilet... toilet , darling. I mean, how do you think they used to wipe their bottoms before we came along?
Eddie
The 70's are back!
Eddie
The more I love myself, the more I will be loved.
Eddie
Why, oh why do we pay taxes, huh? Just so we can have bloody parking restrictions, and bloody ugly traffic wardens, and bollocky pedestrian bloody crossings! Why not just have a “Stupidity Tax?” Just tax the stupid people!
Eddie
Bubble, what do you do dahling?
Edina
Gin and tonic, sweetie?
Edina
God, I hope you're not inviting that bloody, bullocky, selfish, two-faced, chicken bastard, pig-dog man, are you?
Edina
God, it's a rather depressing thought, isn't it, that might live on after me. Hmmm...You? Is that how I'm going to be remembered, is it...what, through ?!
Edina
Hold your nose, darling. Meat.
Edina
How dare they spit at me! A nation that has a pillowcase with a slit in it as a national costume.
Edina
I don't know. I just...I somehow...I just don't think you should have sold Saffie like that.
Edina
Just do whatever you want.
Edina
Look at that...what do you think that is there?
Edina
No no, I'm not drinking, I'm not bloody drinking.
Edina
No, no..no grave for me, sweetie. I'm a Buddhist anyway. I want to be lain out on a rock in the middle of the Ganges, darling, and then just pecked by birds. I don't want to end up as some drugged-up zombie in a hospital, alright?
Edina
Oh, get that look off your face. I've got enough stuff in here you can borrow.
Edina
Oooh, sweetie...darling...oh god, sweetie what a day, what a day I've had sweetie, darling. (throws herself down on kitchen table) I have been at work since I left here this morning!
Edina
Saffy Look at Mummie, look at me. Do I need surgery?
Edina
This is a ...sort of...corpse...in an open, oaken, oblong coffin...with a silk lining....It's a dead body, Pats.
Edina (showing off her art collection)
When we first came here, it was so . It was just like a little...a little tiny little oasis, darling, here.
Edina
Why is it that in the hottest countries in the world, they put their children in little woolly jumpers. You'd think Gap would have spotted the hole in the market...I mean, the whole population here is just crying out for good quality, reasonably priced Kid's Casuals!
Edina
Would you like a bit of Bali, sweetie?
Edina
You only work in a shop, you know. You can drop the attitude.
Edina
Our mother was like a sprinkler scattering bastard babies to the four corners of the earth.
Jackie (Patsy's sister)
Oh there you go again - mistaking me for someone who gives a damn! Who cares if you're fat or thin...who cares if you live or die?!
Nurse
Ah, well. Let them write what they want. I shall just rise above it, I shan't let this thing....affect me...(stares hard at newspaper) Bastard! No! No! No!
Patsy
Eddie...what are you wearing?
Patsy
I really need a loo.
Patsy
Oh, God. Thank bloody Christ for that!
Patsy
Oh, hurrah, hurrah, bloody buggery hurray.
Patsy
One snap of my fingers and I can raise hemlines so high the world's your gynecologist.
Patsy
She was so anally retentive she couldn't sit down for fear of sucking up the furniture.
Patsy
The last mosquito that bit me had to book in to the Betty Ford clinic.
Patsy
Patsy (through loud industrial music, fog and lights): You want some ecstacy, Eddie?
Patsy (through loud industrial music, fog and lights)
Well, what am I supposed to do if you die?
Patsy
Well...you know the other day when you said you might die?
Patsy
I have to arrange catering for a movie that is shooting here.
Photographer
A bit early for her, isn't it?
Saffie
I'm studying the indigenous people of that particular region of North Africa for my Anthroplology module in college this term... it would be really great to be able to go there and study.
Saffie
Oooh! Mum, that man pinched me!!
Saffie (scream)
Well, make up your minds. One minute they're scum and the next minute you're giving them lunch and pouring booze down their throats in the great name of PR.
Saffie
Where's Patsy?
Saffie
Hi...you really interest me. I'd really like to talk to you. Now don't worry - I'm a therapist. I'm Gestault.
Sandra, the Yankee psychiatrist