Name: Absolutely Fabulous
Genre: sitcom
Cast: Jennifer Saunders, Joanna Lumley, Julia Sawalha, June Whitfield, Jane Horrocks

An open olive-green filing drawer with a bent paperclip and a small pick on an orange mat. — Original artwork

I shall endeavor to transcribe it on my pad, photocopy it and file it for future reference.

Bubble

A lilac platform shoe hovering above a tiny black ant on an acid-yellow background. — Original artwork

I am civilized to my platform toes.

Eddie

A taped cardboard box with a tiny purple hand emerging from its side and an orange ladder rising above it against a cyan background. — Original artwork

Inside of me there is a thin person screaming to get out.

Eddie

Red wine splashes from a tilted glass beside a small bunch of grapes against a dark brown background. — Original artwork

(Eddie is arrested for stealing a case of wine) Patsy: My name is Patsy Stone and I am an alcoholic, and what she did was an act of humanitarian mercy.

Patsy

A red fabric heart with a stitched central seam and loose trailing threads rests on deep red velvet. — Original artwork

I suppose I could just go through the motions, wouldn't you like that Justin? It would be-

Eddie

Red sculpted lips and two blue glass eyes rest on a white saucer. — Original artwork

Surgery, sweetie. Lipo, on the hands and stomach, bum lift, tit lift, lose a rib and see what happens with my lips!

Eddie

A miniature outhouse with toilet stands beside a folded paper ghost, empty clawfoot bath and empty blue-covered bed. — Original artwork

Sweetie, we dragged these people screaming into the 20th Century. We gave them all the mod-cons, darling. We gave them the non-squat toilet... toilet , darling. I mean, how do you think they used to wipe their bottoms before we came along?

Eddie

A vinyl record partly slides from an illustrated sleeve on a shag rug beside a guitar pick, plant and brass lamp. — Original artwork

The 70's are back!

Eddie

A hand mirror reflecting a pink rose stands above a shallow peach dish with petals and a trailing pink ribbon. — Original artwork

The more I love myself, the more I will be loved.

Eddie

A black toy car sits in a row of empty pastel-colored parking spaces viewed from above on gray ground. — Original artwork

Why, oh why do we pay taxes, huh? Just so we can have bloody parking restrictions, and bloody ugly traffic wardens, and bollocky pedestrian bloody crossings! Why not just have a “Stupidity Tax?” Just tax the stupid people!

Eddie

A tilted glass jar containing a golden question mark, resting on plum velvet. — Original artwork

Bubble, what do you do dahling?

Edina

A tall glass with a lemon slice and pink paper umbrella on a mirrored tray. — Original artwork

Gin and tonic, sweetie?

Edina

A green felt mitten holding a blank tag beside a purple velvet rope between two brass posts. — Original artwork

God, I hope you're not inviting that bloody, bullocky, selfish, two-faced, chicken bastard, pig-dog man, are you?

Edina

A small aged brass hourglass with almost no sand left in the top, casting a long soft shadow on a dark blue background. — Original artwork

God, it's a rather depressing thought, isn't it, that might live on after me. Hmmm...You? Is that how I'm going to be remembered, is it...what, through ?!

Edina

A brown glove with one raised finger casts an exclamation-mark-shaped shadow on pale ground. — Original artwork

Hold your nose, darling. Meat.

Edina

Three carved theatrical masks in black, charcoal and pale grey show different degrees of frowning against slate. — Original artwork

How dare they spit at me! A nation that has a pillowcase with a slit in it as a national costume.

Edina

I don't know. I just...I somehow...I just don't think you should have sold Saffie like that.

Edina

Painterly brush dripping rainbow paint beside a small jar and a winding colorful path on cream. — Original artwork

Just do whatever you want.

Edina

Look at that...what do you think that is there?

Edina

No no, I'm not drinking, I'm not bloody drinking.

Edina

A rope is coiled on warm stone beside deep blue-green harbour water. — Original artwork

No, no..no grave for me, sweetie. I'm a Buddhist anyway. I want to be lain out on a rock in the middle of the Ganges, darling, and then just pecked by birds. I don't want to end up as some drugged-up zombie in a hospital, alright?

Edina

Oh, get that look off your face. I've got enough stuff in here you can borrow.

Edina

A mustard-yellow armchair with a deep central seat dimple stands against plum. — Original artwork

Oooh, sweetie...darling...oh god, sweetie what a day, what a day I've had sweetie, darling. (throws herself down on kitchen table) I have been at work since I left here this morning!

Edina

Saffy Look at Mummie, look at me. Do I need surgery?

Edina

An open wooden box lined with lavender silk holds a pale sculpted hand atop a stone plinth, beside a tiny frame. — Original artwork

This is a ...sort of...corpse...in an open, oaken, oblong coffin...with a silk lining....It's a dead body, Pats.

Edina

A small round green wooden door has a brass knob, honey-coloured frame and doormat between plants. — Original artwork

When we first came here, it was so . It was just like a little...a little tiny little oasis, darling, here.

Edina

A pale pink knitted garment drapes over a wooden stool with an empty sleeve hanging down. — Original artwork

Why is it that in the hottest countries in the world, they put their children in little woolly jumpers. You'd think Gap would have spotted the hole in the market...I mean, the whole population here is just crying out for good quality, reasonably priced Kid's Casuals!

Edina

Would you like a bit of Bali, sweetie?

Edina

A miniature shop has a pink striped awning, green shutters, a lace curtain and flowerpots against mint green. — Original artwork

You only work in a shop, you know. You can drop the attitude.

Edina

Painterly dandelion releasing seeds beside a small garden trowel planted in soil. — Original artwork

Our mother was like a sprinkler scattering bastard babies to the four corners of the earth.

Jackie

A feather duster lies across a pink cocktail glass with a small paper umbrella and curled lime peel against yellow-green. — Original artwork

Oh there you go again - mistaking me for someone who gives a damn! Who cares if you're fat or thin...who cares if you live or die?!

Nurse

Painterly rolled newspaper beside a magnifying glass, dark ink bottle and writing implements. — Original artwork

Ah, well. Let them write what they want. I shall just rise above it, I shan't let this thing....affect me...(stares hard at newspaper) Bastard! No! No! No!

Patsy

A white T-shirt with a black bow tie and buttons hangs from a wire hanger beside a pink party horn. — Original artwork

Eddie...what are you wearing?

Patsy

An ivory porcelain toilet with its lid raised stands beside a toilet-paper roll against a dark plum background. — Original artwork

I really need a loo.

Patsy

A yellow balloon tied to the handle of a floral teacup, lifting the cup above its saucer. — Original artwork

Oh, God. Thank bloody Christ for that!

Patsy

Five pink foam fingers in a sagging stack next to a folded pennant on a navy background. — Original artwork

Oh, hurrah, hurrah, bloody buggery hurray.

Patsy

A fuchsia high-heeled shoe balances on a coiled tape measure beside gold thread and a spool. — Original artwork

One snap of my fingers and I can raise hemlines so high the world's your gynecologist.

Patsy

She was so anally retentive she couldn't sit down for fear of sucking up the furniture.

Patsy

A stylised brass mosquito-like insect stands beside an unlabelled amber bottle on slate with a dried sprig. — Original artwork

The last mosquito that bit me had to book in to the Betty Ford clinic.

Patsy

A silver microphone stands in amber light against dark red curtains. — Original artwork

Patsy (through loud industrial music, fog and lights): You want some ecstacy, Eddie?

Patsy

A small empty wooden dinghy floats in front of an immense dark swell. — Original artwork

Well, what am I supposed to do if you die?

Patsy

Well...you know the other day when you said you might die?

Patsy

A worn clapperboard with a blank slate stands beside a crumpled paper star on a muted gray surface. — Original artwork

I have to arrange catering for a movie that is shooting here.

Photographer

A bit early for her, isn't it?

Saffie

Painterly open atlas with a brass compass, wooden spoon and shell on warm cream. — Original artwork

I'm studying the indigenous people of that particular region of North Africa for my Anthroplology module in college this term... it would be really great to be able to go there and study.

Saffie

Oooh! Mum, that man pinched me!!

Saffie

Stacks of poker chips sit beside a tipped martini glass and spilled liquid on a red surface. — Original artwork

Well, make up your minds. One minute they're scum and the next minute you're giving them lunch and pouring booze down their throats in the great name of PR.

Saffie

Painterly two mismatched empty wooden chairs on a bare country road beneath a grey sky. — Original artwork

Where's Patsy?

Saffie

Orange and blue paper speech bubbles hang together by strings from a small hook against a cream background. — Original artwork

Hi...you really interest me. I'd really like to talk to you. Now don't worry - I'm a therapist. I'm Gestault.

Sandra, the Yankee psychiatrist