Billy Madison Quotes — Billy Madison

A capped glass milk bottle standing on a small wooden crate against a mint-green background. — Original artwork

How 'bout you, sideburns? You want some of this milk? / I'd rather have a beer.

Billy Madison

A potted fern with a pale paper bow sits on a small wooden desk beside a pink rose. — Original artwork

I will not make out with you! Mr. Chlorophyll up there is talking about God knows what and you want to make out with me!? Well I'm here to learn sister. (turning to teacher) Continue.

Billy Madison

A worn leather dog lead hangs in a heart-shaped loop above a tennis ball on a wooden floor. — Original artwork

If your dog is lost, you don’t look for an hour and call it quits. You get your ass out there and you find that fuckin dog!

Billy Madison

A man in a foaming bubble bath in a marble mansion bathroom holds up two plastic bottles facing each other. — Original artwork

Shampoo is better! I go on first and clean the hair! / Conditioner is better! I leave the hair silky and smooth!

Billy Madison

A folded paper penguin wearing a plum bow tie with a tweed patch at one wing, standing on a turquoise square. — Original artwork

Okay Mr. Penguin. I'm gonna take you to the zoo where you'll meet some nice people, they'll treat you real respectable like.

Billy Madison

Painterly overturned orange lotion bottle spilling white cream on a turquoise-striped towel. — Original artwork

Suntan lotion is good for me. You protect me, tee hee hee.

Billy Madison

A wooden chalkboard eraser rests beside three plain wooden blocks and white chalk dust on blue ground. — Original artwork

ta ta Tah-day, Junior!

Billy Madison

Two men lounge by a mansion pool on an autumn morning, one throwing his arms up in joy, leaves floating on the water. — Original artwork

I can't remember what's today. / October? / It's Nudie Magazine Day!

Billy Madison

A man soaks in a bubble bath in a lavish marble bathroom, glaring at a small gold swan perched on the edge of the tub. — Original artwork

Stop looking at me, swan!

Billy Madison

A man points at a chalk drawing of a leaf in front of a classroom of children while a teacher looks on. — Original artwork

Chlorophyll? More like bore-ophyll!

Billy Madison

A grown man with a backpack spreads his arms beside a yellow school bus outside a brick school under pink blossom. — Original artwork

Back to school, back to school, to prove to Dad that I'm not a fool.

Billy Madison