I believe I am what is commonly termed bisexual, which is by the by because actually I no longer sleep with men or women. But if I did, I promise you, you'd be right up there on my wish list, together with Michelle Pfeiffer and... River Phoenix.

More from Peter's Friends

• If there is a God, he takes very long lunches.
• I think adults are just children who owe money.
• It’s like kindergarten, school, university, black hole.
• It's shit with a capital "sh".
• She seems to exist on a diet of fresh air and bonking.
• We went down about as well as a turd souffle.