All the things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening.

More from Alexander Woollcott

• A hick town is one where there is no place to go where you shouldn't be.
• I've tried by tender and conscientious nursing to keep my grudge against you alive, but I find it has died on me.
• I wish I could stand beside you at some window today and look out into the twilight and say nothing.
• The play left a taste of lukewarm parsnip juice.
• There is some cooperation between wild creatures. The stork and the wolf usually work the same neighborhood.
• The scenery was beautiful, but the actors got in front of it.