Rita Rudner — People

A pearl earring and a small brass pineapple earring hanging from a black ribbon above a pink saucer. — Original artwork

I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.

Rita Rudner

A drooping white stork-shaped balloon sits on a small chair with long orange legs against a pale pink background. — Original artwork

I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.

Rita Rudner

A blue knitted baby bootie rests beside a muddy paw print on a small red rug. — Original artwork

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.

Rita Rudner

A small green dollhouse stands on peach fabric with a feather duster protruding from its chimney. — Original artwork

Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.

Rita Rudner

A mustard-yellow suitcase with two mismatched knitted mittens hanging from its handle against a lilac background. — Original artwork

Whenever I date a guy, I think, "Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?"

Rita Rudner