Oh, some guys like the army, I think that it's a mess. If it's so damned terrific, How come I wear a dress? Movie Tonight

More from M*A*S*H

• I'm a little rusty on procedures for when the payroll has been eaten by a goat. That Darn Kid
• I suggest you remember what it says in the Good Book. "Love thy neighbour", or I'll punch your lights out! Captains Outrageous
• He's both the child and pet I never had. The Gun
• All I know is what they taught me at command school. There are certain rules about a war, and rule number one is young men die. And rule number two is, doctors can’t change rule number one.
• Colonel, if you can hear me, knock three times! If you can't, knock twice! (Two knocks are heard) Oh Lord, he's dead! Bombed
• Listen, buddy, we're a hospital! How would you like it if we fired patients at you? As You Were