I'm organised, I'm dedicated to my career, I've always got a pen. Result? Total smeghead despised by everyone except the ship's parrot. And that's only because we haven't got one. Thanks for the Memory

More from Red Dwarf

• He’s looking so geeky he couldn’t even get into a science-fiction convention.
• Smoke me a kipper, I’ll be back for breakfast.
• You are my NEMESIS! One day, our paths will cross again, and I will destroy you!!
• I know what I did wrong last time. It’s a mistake any deranged, half-witted computer could have made.
• I'm up and down more often than a pair of kangaroos in the mating season! DNA
• My goodness, I do believe I’m drunk. I suddenly feel the need to strut my funky stuff!