Arnold Rimmer

Lister sings “Lunar City Seven”. RIMMER: Lister, have you ever been hit over the head with a welding mallot?

Arnold Rimmer

Ace and Skipper?! You sound like a kids' TV series about a boy and his bush kangaroo!

Arnold Rimmer

He's reached the pinnacle of evolution. He's human.

Arnold Rimmer

I had to get out of there. He's driving me nuts. I cannot stand front-seat drivers.

Arnold Rimmer

I just wanted to say that, over the years, I have come to regard you as … people I met.

Arnold Rimmer

I’m organised, I’m dedicated to my career, I’ve always got a pen. Result? Total smeghead despised by everyone except the ship’s parrot. And that’s only because we haven’t got one.

Arnold Rimmer

I never agreed with my parents' religion but I wouldn't dream of knocking it.

Arnold Rimmer

It's not easy you know to come in every night, look in that mirror, and see a guy nobody likes.

Arnold Rimmer

I've seen Westerns, I know how to speak cowboy. (to bartender) Dry white wine and Perrier please. And what about you two chaps?

Arnold Rimmer

Kryten, kindly get to the point before I jam your nose between your cheeks and make it the filling of a buttocks sandwich.

Arnold Rimmer

Look, I think we’ve all got something to bring to this conversation, but I think that from now on what you should bring is silence.

Arnold Rimmer

Oh yeah? Well, as the Esperanto would say, "Bonvoro alsendi la pordiston, lausajne estas rano en mia bideo!" And I think we all know what that means.

Arnold Rimmer

Please rush me my portable walrus polishing kit. Four super brushes to tackle even the trickiest of sea-bound mammals. Yes, I am over 18, although my IQ isn't.

Arnold Rimmer

So Lister what are you telling us? You're a closet squirrel? Behind closed doors you parade up and down with a strap-on bushy tail, calling yourself Nutkin?

Arnold Rimmer

They've been naughty boys, haven't they, Mr. Flibble?

Arnold Rimmer

We can't afford to take any chances. Jump up to red alert.

Arnold Rimmer

Well, at least he gets 24 hours' notice. That's more than most of us get. All most of us get is 'Mind that bus', 'What bus?', splat! How's he taking it?

Arnold Rimmer

Well, if you have any more problems with nothing or things that don’t matter, just scream out my name hysterically and I’ll come pelting down the corridor!

Arnold Rimmer

We’re not getting out of here in one piece, or if we do, it’ll be one big flat piece.

Arnold Rimmer

Yes, but Rimmer Directive 217 states just as clearly, "No chance you metal bastard."

Arnold Rimmer